wow i really want to see these "athlete profiles"pic.twitter.com/M5AF6j1jBp
contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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wow i really want to see these "athlete profiles"pic.twitter.com/M5AF6j1jBp
imagine photoshopping the head of william h macy's decidedly below average child onto the body of a hulk
this is like an expensive, grown-up version of students making up "doctor's notes" and "obituaries" to buttress their lies so they could avoid getting dinged for excessive absences (tho' I never took attendance) or to skip open-book tests on which every taker earned an "A" grade
"here are my handsome rich-boy sons...they are worthy of your athletic set-asides and you are worthy of my bribes...check out these muscle hulks"pic.twitter.com/6jE6wQR41o
the idea that someone is cashing rich person checks to photoshop the heads of children onto muscle bodies is the best part of this
honestly, there's something refreshing about coaches cheating to admit fake players who won't help their teams at all
and imagine being at such an impasse with your mediocre offspring that "fake athlete bribery scam" is a thing you end up doing
and you're doing this to...get into a flagship state university? that pretty much 20-40% of all students in a given state get into? it is not hard to get into UVA, UNC, UCLA, etc. it wasn't in 1998 (I did it!) and it isn't now.
I was eating tin cans in 1998, like a goat, and hiding meatloaf and muscle mags under my bed and those places all offered me a spot in the "class of 2002"
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