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MoustacheClubUS's profile
Oliver Bateman Does the Work
Oliver Bateman Does the Work
Oliver Bateman Does the Work
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@MoustacheClubUS

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Oliver Bateman Does the WorkVerified account

@MoustacheClubUS

contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod ♉

Washington, PA
oliverbateman.com/bibliography/
Joined May 2011

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    1. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      wow i really want to see these "athlete profiles"pic.twitter.com/M5AF6j1jBp

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    2. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      imagine photoshopping the head of william h macy's decidedly below average child onto the body of a hulk

      1 reply 2 retweets 5 likes
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    3. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      this is like an expensive, grown-up version of students making up "doctor's notes" and "obituaries" to buttress their lies so they could avoid getting dinged for excessive absences (tho' I never took attendance) or to skip open-book tests on which every taker earned an "A" grade

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    4. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      "here are my handsome rich-boy sons...they are worthy of your athletic set-asides and you are worthy of my bribes...check out these muscle hulks"pic.twitter.com/6jE6wQR41o

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    5. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      the idea that someone is cashing rich person checks to photoshop the heads of children onto muscle bodies is the best part of this

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    6. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      honestly, there's something refreshing about coaches cheating to admit fake players who won't help their teams at all

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    7. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      and imagine being at such an impasse with your mediocre offspring that "fake athlete bribery scam" is a thing you end up doing

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      Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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      and you're doing this to...get into a flagship state university? that pretty much 20-40% of all students in a given state get into? it is not hard to get into UVA, UNC, UCLA, etc. it wasn't in 1998 (I did it!) and it isn't now.

      8:05 PM - 12 Mar 2019
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        1. Oliver Bateman Does the Work‏Verified account @MoustacheClubUS 12 Mar 2019
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          I was eating tin cans in 1998, like a goat, and hiding meatloaf and muscle mags under my bed and those places all offered me a spot in the "class of 2002"

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