2/ me: immediately breaks resolution and, exhausted from farm work and disgusted by how life is nothing but farm work these days, goes to http://realtor.com to see if any adjacent land is for sale, so I can increase the size of my farm
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First step to proving your resolution is to leave this typo in place.
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Because, gosh darn it, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and people like my code.
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