2/ Updated punchline: the phone call from your neighbor says 'your pig got out and is running down the road', and you check your barn and your pig is there, so it's some other poor bastard with an escaped pig, in the dark, in 10" of snow, on Christmas...now THAT is happiness.
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3/ I would have helped chase the pig, but the posse heading down the road already had 2 cars and 6 footsoldiers, and I was wearing shorts and sneakers, so I bagged
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Wife did same w a host kid once
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