My winter in Japan, just post-college, was kind of difficult, I remember. That's an emotionally difficult time for a lot of people, I was weighing the possibility of art school, then I got walking pneumonia. I was feeling pretty ragged and overwhelmed.
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I had this persistent fantasy of quitting my job on the spot and going to Crete. The way I imagined it, I'd wake up with the sun in a tiny white plaster room, empty except for a narrow bed and a rustic crucifix on the wall.
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Every day, I'd wrap up a lunch, and I'd walk through stony fields, up and down ravines. And I'd walk and walk, and I'd sit--just me and some sheep--and I'd eat a loaf of bread, cheese, olives, and drink a bottle of wine.
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And I'd do this day after day until I'd forgotten how to talk, forgotten how long I'd been doing it.
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Anyway, I have regular escape fantasies, but it's been a long time since I've thought about Crete.
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Replying to @kendrictonn
10-15 years ago, back in MA, my fantasy was to load up the dogs in the SUV, throw in a tent, a sleeping bag, and some books and just ... drive north. I figured sooner or later, the roads would stop, and I'd part, walk another mile or two into the woods, and pitch the tent.
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Replying to @MorlockP @kendrictonn
then the dogs and I would just stay there, reading books, hanging out, frying up spam in a pan over a small campfire Dreamed about that more or less every day for a decade or more.
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Replying to @MorlockP @kendrictonn
in retrospect, [ day ] dreams like that are telling you something important I ignored it for a decade I should have fixed my life /reduced my anxiety earlier, but it seemed impossible to escape in retrospect, it wasn't
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Replying to @MorlockP
Forget the hero with a thousand faces, we've got the daydream with a thousand faces. But yeah. I think you're right. And I think I'm correct in my plan to stick through project X, Y, and Z, but I'm worried I'm going to let that end date keep slipping out past that.
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Replying to @kendrictonn
You're in a better mental space than I was. Here's what I knew 15 years ago: * this path is intolerable ; it can never succeed * I can not give up on this path the cognitive dissonance was killing me you know the truth a deadline that slips A BIT is fine no exit plan isn't
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what's the difference? if you slip a deadline 1 day per day, you're making zero progress if you slip a deadline 1/2 a day per day, you are what's your [ current ] deadline?
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Replying to @MorlockP
A year, approx. Let's push it slightly and say spring '22. Goals are, in essence: House projects finished (spring '21 for the major ones, I hope) Focus put back on painting, with enough solid pieces done to have those working for me for a while. BnB income squirreled.
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Replying to @kendrictonn
sounds like a real plan, not my retarded hopelessness-with-a-brave-face ONWARD !
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