imo the common unstated thing that is missed when people look at this from a perspective of trying to blame just men or just women is that most people suck and anyone of either gender who has high standards is gonna take a long time to find someone they feel is worth commiting to
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Asymmetries + assholery don't necessarily play out the same way in poly relationships as in monogamous ones but I suspect the assholery will find a way some percentage of the time no matter the structure it's exploiting.
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