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MorlockP's profile
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
@MorlockP

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ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs

@MorlockP

Two-time Prometheus award-winning hard science fiction author. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JPPMS6  Learn how to homestead https://www.amazon.com/dp/B093BC3K1T 

Aristillus Crater, Luna
amazon.com/dp/B005JPPMS6
Joined June 2012

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    1. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      79/ it didn't "ripe through the air". Bullets are, from a human PoV, instanteous. Ripping has a time element. Clothes rip. Sails rip. A roof might rip as Godzilla tears through it. A collapsing crane could rip through an office. But bullets do not "rip" air.

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    2. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      80/ "The heaving combatants stirred the bones at their feet". "Stirred" implies intention, but not much of it. I stir tea. I stir pasta. Bones, though? The writing implies attention - that the hero is taking care that the bones are well distributed in his chai.

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    3. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      81/ The hero TRIPS over the bones. The skulls are SCATTERED. Shards of bone SPLINTER, unseen, under the hero's boots. A dust of crushed bone RISES from where the demon is thrown back into them You can call READER'S attention to the bones while not implying the HERO's focus

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    4. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      82/ "with an earth shaking roar, the gleaming demon charged" first, we can shake the earth once or twice, but let's save it for when the bulk of the demon crashes down into the earth, not when the demon makes noise second, "gleaming" ?

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    5. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      83/ we've established that we're in a pit (with a roof), so there's no sunlight All the light comes from two "gasping" torches. And the light from just those two torches is doing a lot of work >>>

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    6. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      84/ In the light from those two small torches we've got - a demon gleaming - chitin gleaming - gilded edge of armor reflected "like gold sunlight" - highlighted maroon loincloth - demon gleams (again) are we in a dark foul pit, or do we have intense sunlight ?

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    7. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      85/ author wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants grimdark atmospherics, but he also wants to describe every color and texture, the markings on the armor, the color of the 50 caliber pistol Watch Alien or Aliens. The horror comes from the darkness and uncertainty.

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    8. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      86/ BA could go in that direction - the demon backs out of the flickering torchlight, hiding in the dark. A hint of movement, the hero pivots left - but, no, another hint from the right. He spins, uncertain - and then the rush of movement comes from behind!

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    9. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      87/ or BA could go in the opposite direction: a dozen torches, the demon has been denied its hiding spot in the shadow. Hero lights two more and tosses them. The light of the torch, burning at his feet, reflects off the gold filigree on his armor.

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    10. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

      88/ excellent tip from @JASutherlandBks here: you can throw any detail you want in, as long as it's MOTIVATEDhttps://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253036370496499712 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
      Okay, here's one. Why does the hero care about the bones? Why notice? The demon knocked him and he fell, coming face to face with a grinning skull, maybe the grinning skull of the last hero (I don't know the story). That's a reason to notice the bones. 1/ https://twitter.com/MorlockP/status/1253035320381235207 …
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      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      89/ You can have the hero's attention diverse from the reader's attention, if you want, but everything will work better if the two are close to unified. To do that, bring the hero's attention to bear on anything you need to know about.

      12:09 PM - 22 Apr 2020
      • 5 Likes
      • Àdhamh Cynebeald Alexander Schneer Forsooth absurdistfool Black Ukrainian Bennett
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        2. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          90/ Tumithak of the Corridors notices the pit in the corner of the room when it is integral to his plan.

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        3. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

          91/https://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253036955501281280 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
          Ah, fuck, he's gonna go a hundred again. https://twitter.com/MorlockP/status/1253036845031731202 …
          2 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
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        4. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          92/ Two points about requiring description to be "motivated" (and by motivated, I mean roughly what, say, a DP or director means about lighting in a movie - is this light coming from the sun / in through a window / from a mechanic's drop light?) :

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        5. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          93/ first: when this rule is applied, it PRUNES some description. If you can't find a motivation to justify explaining the color of the hero's shield, then you don't do so, and that's good - it was, apparently , extraneous, and removing it is the right call

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        6. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          94/ second, if you CAN find a motivation, then you solve two problems at once, and you achieve economy think about the scene where Luke is fighting the monster in the cave on the ice planet Hoth when do we get a close up of the light saber?

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        7. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          95/ Not two scenes earlier in the hanger. Not when the cave scene starts. We don't hear or see that the light saber is silvery, or has rings carved into it merely as background information. We get a close up of the saber when it's PLOT RELEVANT

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        8. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          96/ Luke tries to free his feet, tries to reach the saber with his arms, and decides to use the Force. At this point the camera focuses on the saber. And not even to show off its colors, but to - focus OUR attention on it - to show the FORCE twitch it and move it

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        9. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          97/ We see, in passing, that the light saber is cylindrical, knurled, has a D ring and two rivets at the bottom - but that's not the POINT of the scene. The POINT of the scene is - danger - salvation (out of reach) - hope - technical mastery of skill only in SERVICE to that

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        10. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          98/ do we, in passing, get the mostly useless detail that the light saber is silver

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        11. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Light Unto A Panzer  🇮🇱 🇺🇸

          99/ yeshttps://twitter.com/YakovMerkin/status/1253044850817196033 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Light Unto A Panzer  🇮🇱 🇺🇸 @YakovMerkin
          Replying to @MorlockP @JASutherlandBks
          This is part of why I prefer to err on the side of less description rather than more (and my editor usually does tell me to add some more in). Much easier to add than remove.
          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        12. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          100/ (damnit @JASutherlandBks !) There are so many stories where I remember tons of details - the smell, the cracks in the walls, the color of the helmets ... and then I go back, and I re-read ... and NONE of these were in the story! The reader will fill in colors.

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        13. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          101/ Elmore Leonard has an adage "don't write the parts that people skip". Similarly: "don't write the parts that people are entirely willing to fill in on their own".

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        14. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          102/ In my novels I thought a lot about a lot of the technical details. I took out lots of description. I don't think I ever mentioned, for example, the color of the space suits. That doesn't mean that I didn't have ideas. But you, the reader, filled that in.

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        15. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          103/ maybe they were whitepic.twitter.com/vHmSwFQgXs

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        16. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          104/ maybe they were orangepic.twitter.com/QCJaojFlx3

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        17. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          105/ I mentioned it in passing in one place, where the militia raised by Red Stripe painted the red stripes black ... but that wasn't because I cared, but because I wanted an "equipping" scene showing a civilian economy preparing for / transitioning to war footing

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        18. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          106/ color mattered because MOOD and PLOT matter, not because COLOR matters on its own the somber painting over of a cheery warm color with a dark color symbolic of death is fitting for an unwanted war

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        19. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          107/ The scene was set on a soccer field. Same thing - England commandeers small pleasure boats to rescue soldiers - hotels are turned into hospitals. The colors were MOTIVATED by the demands of plot and emotional truth.

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        20. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          108/ Aside from that use of color in space suits, it doesn't matter at all to the plot if they're white or orange, and you the reader can fill in a mental image that works for you, so I tried to leave it up to you.

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        21. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Nate Campbell

          109/ good quote!https://twitter.com/N8istootall/status/1253047272679419904 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Nate Campbell @N8istootall
          Replying to @N8istootall @MorlockP @JASutherlandBks
          Speaking of Star Wars though, here's a quote from Lucas that I think relates quite nicely to what you've been saying. pic.twitter.com/pWkZCpepoS
          2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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        22. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          110/ There are tons of details in Aristillus. I'm not a minimalist. I cut out about 2/3 of the details I wanted to have, and what I left in was probably 10x what I should have had. ...but I'll say this. What's there is MOSTLY motivated by plot or character.

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        23. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          111/ At three points the "camera" lingers on the catwalks, cables, and conduits overhead in the tunnels. One of these is plot relevant: an infiltration team is planting a bomb that will collapse a ceiling.

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        24. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          112/ One of these is character relevant and backstory: Mike Martin is riding his motorcycle somewhere, early on in the book and is paying attention to infrastructure. It explains that he's a sperg who likes machines, and it smuggles in backstory about how he founded the city.

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        25. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          113/ And the third time is at the crux of book 2, where Mike has been taken captive, is being brought back to Earth, and will be tried and sentenced. His gaze lingers on the details, drinking it all in, his eyes getting moist realizingthis is his last view ever of what he loves

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        26. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          114/ ...and even then, as he looks at the conduits and lighting panels, no words are wasted on the colors or filigree. If you pictured the lighting panels while reading it, great. If not, great. Either way, you got as much as you needed for the story to work.

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        27. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted MC_Enthusiast

          115/ This is pretty decent. As I wrote I tried to set each scene and PoV hard in the first paragraph. I aimed to always deliver the PoV character's name and then had that character observe at least two sensory details about the scene.https://twitter.com/Laserpig_Utopia/status/1253048365752909824 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          MC_Enthusiast @Laserpig_Utopia
          Replying to @MorlockP @JASutherlandBks
          Thinking about the details vs scene setting and wondering if it's accurate to say that you should set the scene with more numerous details maybe even extraneous/mood details, but only update with relevant/focus details.
          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        28. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          116/ The sky above the spaceport was as black as a freshly bored lunar tunnel before the lights were installed. Earth hung overhead, the once-bright cities...glowing dimly w low-energy bulbs and rolling brown-outs. Except California. California was dark. Mike Martin squinted

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        29. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          117/ chapter 2: The taupe-carpeted corridor that ran down the center of the West Wing was quiet. Senator Linda Haig looked at her watch. Almost half an hour late. Hardly surprising; that woman was never -

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        30. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          118/ chapter 3 Allan looked up. The next handhold was just a short reach up the wall. He stretched for it - and the suit alarm went off. Damn it. He silenced the warble tone, cleared the flashing "overheating"

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        31. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          119/ Each of these has a few adjectives, a few sensory images. Chapter 1 is a bit of an outlier, with more detail than the others, because I have to drop the reader in media res, explaining a moon colony, an Earth in economic decline, etc. all in 1 paragraph.

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