70/ there's an old saw that bad writing is * X happened * then Y happened * then Z happened but good writing is * X happened * therefore Y happened * therefore Z happenedhttps://twitter.com/SunglassPri/status/1253030415037878275 …
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81/ The hero TRIPS over the bones. The skulls are SCATTERED. Shards of bone SPLINTER, unseen, under the hero's boots. A dust of crushed bone RISES from where the demon is thrown back into them You can call READER'S attention to the bones while not implying the HERO's focus
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82/ "with an earth shaking roar, the gleaming demon charged" first, we can shake the earth once or twice, but let's save it for when the bulk of the demon crashes down into the earth, not when the demon makes noise second, "gleaming" ?
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83/ we've established that we're in a pit (with a roof), so there's no sunlight All the light comes from two "gasping" torches. And the light from just those two torches is doing a lot of work >>>
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84/ In the light from those two small torches we've got - a demon gleaming - chitin gleaming - gilded edge of armor reflected "like gold sunlight" - highlighted maroon loincloth - demon gleams (again) are we in a dark foul pit, or do we have intense sunlight ?
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85/ author wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants grimdark atmospherics, but he also wants to describe every color and texture, the markings on the armor, the color of the 50 caliber pistol Watch Alien or Aliens. The horror comes from the darkness and uncertainty.
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86/ BA could go in that direction - the demon backs out of the flickering torchlight, hiding in the dark. A hint of movement, the hero pivots left - but, no, another hint from the right. He spins, uncertain - and then the rush of movement comes from behind!
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87/ or BA could go in the opposite direction: a dozen torches, the demon has been denied its hiding spot in the shadow. Hero lights two more and tosses them. The light of the torch, burning at his feet, reflects off the gold filigree on his armor.
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88/ excellent tip from
@JASutherlandBks here: you can throw any detail you want in, as long as it's MOTIVATEDhttps://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253036370496499712 …Show this thread -
89/ You can have the hero's attention diverse from the reader's attention, if you want, but everything will work better if the two are close to unified. To do that, bring the hero's attention to bear on anything you need to know about.
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90/ Tumithak of the Corridors notices the pit in the corner of the room when it is integral to his plan.
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92/ Two points about requiring description to be "motivated" (and by motivated, I mean roughly what, say, a DP or director means about lighting in a movie - is this light coming from the sun / in through a window / from a mechanic's drop light?) :
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93/ first: when this rule is applied, it PRUNES some description. If you can't find a motivation to justify explaining the color of the hero's shield, then you don't do so, and that's good - it was, apparently , extraneous, and removing it is the right call
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94/ second, if you CAN find a motivation, then you solve two problems at once, and you achieve economy think about the scene where Luke is fighting the monster in the cave on the ice planet Hoth when do we get a close up of the light saber?
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95/ Not two scenes earlier in the hanger. Not when the cave scene starts. We don't hear or see that the light saber is silvery, or has rings carved into it merely as background information. We get a close up of the saber when it's PLOT RELEVANT
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96/ Luke tries to free his feet, tries to reach the saber with his arms, and decides to use the Force. At this point the camera focuses on the saber. And not even to show off its colors, but to - focus OUR attention on it - to show the FORCE twitch it and move it
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97/ We see, in passing, that the light saber is cylindrical, knurled, has a D ring and two rivets at the bottom - but that's not the POINT of the scene. The POINT of the scene is - danger - salvation (out of reach) - hope - technical mastery of skill only in SERVICE to that
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98/ do we, in passing, get the mostly useless detail that the light saber is silver
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100/ (damnit
@JASutherlandBks !) There are so many stories where I remember tons of details - the smell, the cracks in the walls, the color of the helmets ... and then I go back, and I re-read ... and NONE of these were in the story! The reader will fill in colors.Show this thread -
101/ Elmore Leonard has an adage "don't write the parts that people skip". Similarly: "don't write the parts that people are entirely willing to fill in on their own".
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102/ In my novels I thought a lot about a lot of the technical details. I took out lots of description. I don't think I ever mentioned, for example, the color of the space suits. That doesn't mean that I didn't have ideas. But you, the reader, filled that in.
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105/ I mentioned it in passing in one place, where the militia raised by Red Stripe painted the red stripes black ... but that wasn't because I cared, but because I wanted an "equipping" scene showing a civilian economy preparing for / transitioning to war footing
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106/ color mattered because MOOD and PLOT matter, not because COLOR matters on its own the somber painting over of a cheery warm color with a dark color symbolic of death is fitting for an unwanted war
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107/ The scene was set on a soccer field. Same thing - England commandeers small pleasure boats to rescue soldiers - hotels are turned into hospitals. The colors were MOTIVATED by the demands of plot and emotional truth.
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108/ Aside from that use of color in space suits, it doesn't matter at all to the plot if they're white or orange, and you the reader can fill in a mental image that works for you, so I tried to leave it up to you.
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110/ There are tons of details in Aristillus. I'm not a minimalist. I cut out about 2/3 of the details I wanted to have, and what I left in was probably 10x what I should have had. ...but I'll say this. What's there is MOSTLY motivated by plot or character.
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