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MorlockP's profile
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs
@MorlockP

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ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs

@MorlockP

Two-time Prometheus award-winning hard science fiction author. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JPPMS6  Learn how to homestead https://www.amazon.com/dp/B093BC3K1T 

Aristillus Crater, Luna
amazon.com/dp/B005JPPMS6
Joined June 2012

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    1. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted

      59/ http://www.paulgraham.com/avg.html  https://twitter.com/RedeemedCat/status/1253017887616331777 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      This Tweet is unavailable.
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    2. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted RobH

      60/ as I've explained three times already (This is now #4) I'm not bashing him, I'm bashing bad art & bad technique. Why? Because Quality is an objective thing, and it is obedience to God to produce good art, and a sin to produce trash and call it good.https://twitter.com/RobHaines905/status/1253024897657380869 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      RobH @RobHaines905
      Replying to @MorlockP
      Ok so why bash him? That's what I dont understand. Maybe it's me but save that stuff for things that can get people hurt like being a bad mechanic, doctor or even teaching a fake martial art. Those have real world repercussions, bad writing doesn't.
      2 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
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    3. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted

      61/ well said! https://twitter.com/CDan1333/status/1253024763875917830 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      This Tweet is unavailable.
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    4. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Camping Roomba

      62/ Exactly! One of the many failures of B.A. is that he tries to do action, but doesn't. Hero "repels attacks". Could be describing lawyers in a corporate merger, a space frigate with force fields, or a clash of steel sword against wooden shield.https://twitter.com/ctdonath/status/1253026353210941440 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      Camping Roomba @ctdonath
      Replying to @MorlockP @paulg
      Striking: so much verbiage describing static qualities (size, appearance), so little addressing events. “repelled every attack” - that’s it for several minutes of engaging interaction, with exposition of how variety of clever & strong attacks would be deflected. But no, 3 words. pic.twitter.com/bTrtZ8OCrF
      2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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    5. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      63/ Contrast BA's terrible impossible-to-picture-because-nothing-is-described writing to that of Charles R Tannerpic.twitter.com/wLHpnREI04

      2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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    6. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

      64/ nicehttps://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253028146456248320 …

      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

      J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
      Replying to @MorlockP
      For the record, I had Saoirse throw me into a wall this morning to make sure I got the written steps of repelling a particular attack right. Art requires sacrifice.
      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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    7. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      65/ how does BA write action? we know what color the dirt is (though that doesn't matter), we know that the torches "gasp" (tho it doesn't matter), we know that the pit reeked (tho it doesn't matter), we know that the hero's footwork "stirred the bones" (tho it doesn't matter)

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    8. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      66/ and when we come to the ACTION - the ACTION which pulprev loudly and proudly asserts is the core of all fiction, what do we find? "the opponents ... clashed" "the demon's attacks ... dwindled" "the knight...counterattacked" thousands of words on lighting, dirt, smell >

      2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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    9. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      67/ and zero words describing the ACTUAL ACTION this is like porn that spends 50 pages talking about the candles, the shape of the sofa, how it was that the lusty widow happened to be home alone...and then says "he banged her"

      1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
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    10. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      68/ now, let's look at Tanner: Yakran rushes Tumithak ...a terrific blow, dodged under Tumithak on one knee...another sweep of the enemy's sword .. fall back a step...lunging rushes around the table, close to the pit, now far away a plan! ... forced to the pit a lunge!

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
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      ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

      69/ This is PURE ACTION. No skulls underfoot being "stirred", no "feathery demons", no "like an iguana head, covered in chitin". It's a STORY, not an excitable 6 year old recounting a scene from a movie.

      11:39 AM - 22 Apr 2020
      • 5 Likes
      • Jeff Pleimling Alexander Schneer Just working for a living absurdistfool Àdhamh Cynebeald
      2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Sunglass 2020 Night Mode Edition  🌑

          70/ there's an old saw that bad writing is * X happened * then Y happened * then Z happened but good writing is * X happened * therefore Y happened * therefore Z happenedhttps://twitter.com/SunglassPri/status/1253030415037878275 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Sunglass 2020 Night Mode Edition  🌑 @SunglassPri
          Replying to @MorlockP
          to play devil’s advocate, simply describing a series of actions in chronological order is pretty awful to read too. What’s your suggestion for hitting a happy medium?
          3 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
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        3. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Sir Gawain of Camelot

          71/ BA has enthusiasm that, were he willing to listen to advice, might let him become a good writer with several years of practice An editor, tho, is not sufficient. It is not merely a matter of removing the bad - he must also be taught to write.https://twitter.com/sirgawain2100/status/1253030722446651392 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Sir Gawain of Camelot @sirgawain2100
          Replying to @notPotus42 @MorlockP
          He needs a seasoned editor. I had to skim alot of it, since there were too many unnecessary adjectives and descriptions. It was difficult to read....
          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        4. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

          72/ side thread from accomplished and actually really good author @JASutherlandBks ; will certainly contain lots of good info!https://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253030894752989184 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
          Okay, I'm going to rif on Morlock's thread - um, more concisely than 66 tweets, I promise. I think it's a POV focus and scene structure issue, for the most part. The lighting, dirt, smell -- these are scene setters, not action things. In a fight, your focus changes from 1/ https://twitter.com/MorlockP/status/1253029585429594114 …
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        5. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Sir Gawain of Camelot

          73/ 1) read many books on writing 2) read many novels, both inside your genre and out 3) cultivate high standards 4) learn to cringe hard at the garbage you generate ; feel burning shame and vow to understand what caused it and not repeat those mistakeshttps://twitter.com/sirgawain2100/status/1253031303664058368 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Sir Gawain of Camelot @sirgawain2100
          Replying to @MorlockP
          Do you have any recommendations on how to improve writing? something that worked well for you to improve stories and dialogue? Does the advice to read as much as you can as a writer help in writing books?
          2 replies 0 retweets 12 likes
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        6. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted May He Be Found Humble And True

          74/ lol that's not exactly how I'd phrase it, but you're not wronghttps://twitter.com/SojoXX/status/1253031322114637824 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          May He Be Found Humble And True @SojoXX
          Replying to @MorlockP
          So what you're saying is that the original subject of criticism is shakey cam compared to a Jackie Chan fight.
          1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
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        7. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          75/ maybe at some point I'll rewrite that first page from BA there are a lot of different sins: - vidya stats in corner - vidya emphasis on weapon choice - misplaced emphasis on polygons and lighting, not action but even stuff as simple as word choice is terrible >>

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        8. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          76/ Words must be correct, and also precise. Technically, and emotionally. The fight is in a "pit" - an indentation or hole. And yet it has a ceiling. So - a cave, not a pit. The demon is feathery (light? soft?) yet covered in chitin (a hard shell).

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        9. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          77/ The demon's attacks "dwindle" ( "slow" is a far better word here). The demon "heaved for breath". Heave means "lift" or "rise". The demon's shoulders may heave, or the demon may struggles FOR breath, but it does not "heave for breath".

          2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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        10. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          78/ The knight steps back and the power armor "gave the backstep a reach of fifteen feet". "Reach" is all wrong here. The backstep is achieved, not attempted or measured. A .50 caliber bullet "ripped through the air". I've shot a .50. It was concussive. It was loud. But ...

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        11. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          79/ it didn't "ripe through the air". Bullets are, from a human PoV, instanteous. Ripping has a time element. Clothes rip. Sails rip. A roof might rip as Godzilla tears through it. A collapsing crane could rip through an office. But bullets do not "rip" air.

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        12. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          80/ "The heaving combatants stirred the bones at their feet". "Stirred" implies intention, but not much of it. I stir tea. I stir pasta. Bones, though? The writing implies attention - that the hero is taking care that the bones are well distributed in his chai.

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        13. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          81/ The hero TRIPS over the bones. The skulls are SCATTERED. Shards of bone SPLINTER, unseen, under the hero's boots. A dust of crushed bone RISES from where the demon is thrown back into them You can call READER'S attention to the bones while not implying the HERO's focus

          2 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
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        14. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          82/ "with an earth shaking roar, the gleaming demon charged" first, we can shake the earth once or twice, but let's save it for when the bulk of the demon crashes down into the earth, not when the demon makes noise second, "gleaming" ?

          2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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        15. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          83/ we've established that we're in a pit (with a roof), so there's no sunlight All the light comes from two "gasping" torches. And the light from just those two torches is doing a lot of work >>>

          1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
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        16. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          84/ In the light from those two small torches we've got - a demon gleaming - chitin gleaming - gilded edge of armor reflected "like gold sunlight" - highlighted maroon loincloth - demon gleams (again) are we in a dark foul pit, or do we have intense sunlight ?

          1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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        17. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          85/ author wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants grimdark atmospherics, but he also wants to describe every color and texture, the markings on the armor, the color of the 50 caliber pistol Watch Alien or Aliens. The horror comes from the darkness and uncertainty.

          1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
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        18. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          86/ BA could go in that direction - the demon backs out of the flickering torchlight, hiding in the dark. A hint of movement, the hero pivots left - but, no, another hint from the right. He spins, uncertain - and then the rush of movement comes from behind!

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        19. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          87/ or BA could go in the opposite direction: a dozen torches, the demon has been denied its hiding spot in the shadow. Hero lights two more and tosses them. The light of the torch, burning at his feet, reflects off the gold filigree on his armor.

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        20. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

          88/ excellent tip from @JASutherlandBks here: you can throw any detail you want in, as long as it's MOTIVATEDhttps://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253036370496499712 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
          Okay, here's one. Why does the hero care about the bones? Why notice? The demon knocked him and he fell, coming face to face with a grinning skull, maybe the grinning skull of the last hero (I don't know the story). That's a reason to notice the bones. 1/ https://twitter.com/MorlockP/status/1253035320381235207 …
          Show this thread
          2 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
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        21. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          89/ You can have the hero's attention diverse from the reader's attention, if you want, but everything will work better if the two are close to unified. To do that, bring the hero's attention to bear on anything you need to know about.

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        22. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          90/ Tumithak of the Corridors notices the pit in the corner of the room when it is integral to his plan.

          2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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        23. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books

          91/https://twitter.com/JASutherlandBks/status/1253036955501281280 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          J.A. Sutherland SciFi Books @JASutherlandBks
          Ah, fuck, he's gonna go a hundred again. https://twitter.com/MorlockP/status/1253036845031731202 …
          2 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
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        24. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          92/ Two points about requiring description to be "motivated" (and by motivated, I mean roughly what, say, a DP or director means about lighting in a movie - is this light coming from the sun / in through a window / from a mechanic's drop light?) :

          2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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        25. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          93/ first: when this rule is applied, it PRUNES some description. If you can't find a motivation to justify explaining the color of the hero's shield, then you don't do so, and that's good - it was, apparently , extraneous, and removing it is the right call

          3 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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        26. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          94/ second, if you CAN find a motivation, then you solve two problems at once, and you achieve economy think about the scene where Luke is fighting the monster in the cave on the ice planet Hoth when do we get a close up of the light saber?

          2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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        27. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          95/ Not two scenes earlier in the hanger. Not when the cave scene starts. We don't hear or see that the light saber is silvery, or has rings carved into it merely as background information. We get a close up of the saber when it's PLOT RELEVANT

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        28. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          96/ Luke tries to free his feet, tries to reach the saber with his arms, and decides to use the Force. At this point the camera focuses on the saber. And not even to show off its colors, but to - focus OUR attention on it - to show the FORCE twitch it and move it

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        29. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          97/ We see, in passing, that the light saber is cylindrical, knurled, has a D ring and two rivets at the bottom - but that's not the POINT of the scene. The POINT of the scene is - danger - salvation (out of reach) - hope - technical mastery of skill only in SERVICE to that

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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        30. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          98/ do we, in passing, get the mostly useless detail that the light saber is silver

          2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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        31. ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs‏ @MorlockP 22 Apr 2020

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs Retweeted Light Unto A Panzer  🇮🇱 🇺🇸

          99/ yeshttps://twitter.com/YakovMerkin/status/1253044850817196033 …

          ⓘ Dogs don't have thumbs added,

          Light Unto A Panzer  🇮🇱 🇺🇸 @YakovMerkin
          Replying to @MorlockP @JASutherlandBks
          This is part of why I prefer to err on the side of less description rather than more (and my editor usually does tell me to add some more in). Much easier to add than remove.
          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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