I can elaborate on this if anyone is interested the broken clock analogy I make in this thread is flawed, bc unlike a broken clock, both children and donald trump are agents you have to learn how to *attend* to what they're doing without *reacting*https://twitter.com/selentelechia/status/1250852771760230400 …
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I developed a "persona" over the decade+ dealing with foster kids which I jokingly call "teenage babysitter voice" it's actually a defense mechanism for my sanity when I'm around people I cannot model and cannot ignore
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you can't be detached you can't just *not care* you must take them seriously but if you draw on your models of interacting with people who at least have a predictable social interface...
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...you will find yourself wounded, burnt out, and mired in an escalating conflict you can neither end nor escape
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bosco Retweeted bosco
this thread explores a failure mode I've seen foster parents fall into assuming the kid is trying to *hurt them in particular* this may be true but it's a completely ineffective attitude to havehttps://twitter.com/selentelechia/status/1250864717532299266?s=19 …
bosco added,
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Replying to @selentelechia
wow for all the crap that happened, that PoV NEVER occurred to me. It was just "damn, these kids are SO broken that they CAN'T do X, like reasonable / normal kids, and can ONLY do Y. GAHHHHH. I WISH WE'D KNOWN / I WISH THEY WEREN'T BROKEN."
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Replying to @MorlockP
I think reflectively that's how a lot of foster parents feel but in the middle of a crisis and particularly with reactive-attachment kids a lot of parents get sucked into this kind of mutually antagonistic frame
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Replying to @selentelechia @MorlockP
there is a particularly nasty philosophy around parenting kids with RAD that takes the "enemy" stance as kind of implicit and advises parents to *induce total dependence* on the kids this is why I Hate Nancy Thomas
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Replying to @selentelechia @MorlockP
getting angry thinking about this again lol it is like the parenting-advice manifestation of
@diviacaroline's spiritual opposite2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
I was flipping through http://photos.google.com earlier today and came across the 6 months of the kids and had very weird conflicting emotions not shame, exactly not regret just ... aversion I was trying to scroll past them quickly, literally looking off to one side what a mess
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