using one part of my mind to steamroll another etc or using my models of other people to preemptively punish myself in order to get things done I'm working on a long series of posts about all this but to illustrate/summarize:
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I'd signed up for kitchen help and usually it takes a bit of cajoling/perceived peer pressure to stop and do chores when I'm having fun but my feelings around it this time were distinctly enthusiastic
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I *believed* I would contribute to cleanup I *believed* that I wouldn't be shamed or shunned (tho possibly teased) if I shirked my responsibilities
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there was a total absence of a feeling of social coercion, punishment etc and like in the grand scheme of things I didn't help a *ton,* there were so many people that things just seemed to keep getting done
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not magically - just everyone pitching in to some degree some more than others
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and there wasn't a total absence of peer pressure people were teased, gently stories were told about people who'd Fucked Up at past events I was thinking about that, and the description of handling one's "own tasks" in one of the books I'd read
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as well as an anecdote in another book about a father giving his son *stewardship* over yard work rather than coercing him, by establishing a clear picture of "success," emphasizing that the kid owned his task, and making himself available for delegation on a limited basis
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and it all shifted together like - oh oh this is what agency feels like from the inside this is what agency looks like from the outside this what security in my social position feels like this is what layers of trust in a group feels like
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and, again, I don't think I can retain this perspective without nurturing it and it would be much harder if I were still in the crab bucket, so to speak
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but for lack of a better explanation, that was *my* experience with HUN, the benefits I think I got
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great thread ; thank you!
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Replying to @MorlockP @selentelechia
Something that we had discussed is that HUN was a collection of people with very different models of 'effective', allowing to abstract out the parts that are common instead of worrying about how you don't emulate such and such specific person.
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