so you only get an "easy" check if you're comfy, say, living in a house that smells like piss and shit bc your 9yo foster kiddo decided to exclusively relieve himself in the vents whenever his sister made him mad (true story!)
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-that above anecdote is not unusual, that is the default sort of thing you're navigating several times month. not the kids' faults at all but also not sustainable in the long term
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-living under that chronic stress can ruin your health, your home, your marriage. It traumatizes you. and this sort of trauma is the sort that makes you scarcity-minded, reactive in the short term and apathetic about the long term. it makes you worse
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I don't have any idea what the solution is, but I can't fault *anybody* for bowing out and choosing not to continue living like this
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You go in unprepared. You have few cultural frames of reference. Your family and friends don't understand. You feel yourself becoming worse, sicker, miserable, afraid. You don't get the help you're promised. You see these hurting kids and your best probably won't ever cut it
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Relinquishing your license hurts. You don't know where the kids are going. You don't know if they'll ever heal. All you know is that you can't heal them. Bowing out before adoption is, IMO, a very good thing to do because the lack of support only gets worse once you adopt
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It's not a fucking vanity project, and out of *all* of the foster families I've met and worked with, there's been maybe two who were real pieces of work, only in it for the check. And neither of them were Morlock and his wife.
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Every family I've met agonizes over the decision to stop, even when their homes are full and they are literally at their limits. Most go past their limits and come out with permanent wounds of their own. Knowing when you're at your limit is commendable.
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Replying to @selentelechia
this was really great
@selentelechia deep thanks for taking the time to write it up1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes -
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