In my opinion, onions are recording everything we say on teeny-tiny microcassette recorder and sending their tapes back to the High Lord Vidalia and his consort, the Lady Shallot. Soon, the Allium Riders will be here on their Thoroughbred Scallions. There will be weeping.
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Proof: look in your kitchen. What's there? ONIONS! COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED!
End of conversation
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