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rats are great for all kinds of things rats can be food or decoration or candles rats are very useful creatures there’s no better way to show you care than to give someone rats Rats raTs RAts
If you want rats tell me if you have rats tell me I will give rats and I will take rats and the rats will flow like wine and bind us together in fraternity or fRATernity haha just a little rat joke for you there
Imagine of rats were on a fishing boat little ratty fingers pulling in nets of minnows and sardines to feed their baby rats sea spray crusting their fur with salt Rats are very industrious beasts you know they’d be very good at it
Haha meant to say if that wouldn’t have happened if I had a rat to proofread my tweets That’s a great idea Oliver’s rat proofreaders I’d make millions which I’d use to buy more rats and feed rats and give them clothes and beds and all the things a rat needs
(If you want to know what prompted this descent into ratty madness, here are the words of the murine prophet himself: https://pastebin.com/aSPaLz5T )
I’m giving a speech on monday and it’s about vaccination but I think I might make it about rats instead people need to know about rats you can never have too many rats
Just imagine your ratman bringing you a glass bottle of rats every morning why did america stop bringing rats to people’s porches that’s what’s wrong with this country not enough rats
We need to make this country appealing to ratmmigration implement free cheese and tiny schools haha just kidding rats aren’t people they don’t need educations just the free cheese
Cheese is good wisconsin has lots of cheese but france does too I wonder if all our rats are in france I wonder if french rats helped during the revolutionary war
Wow I’m anthropomorphizing rats a lot today I should focus on more realistic rat features like how much business they make for the post office on Ratmas when everyone’s sending rats
Rats rats rats in every parcel, rats rats rats in the envelopes, rats wrapped up with tiny bows, bare rats with an address written on their fur in sharpie
Some of you might ask if these rats are alive or dead but that is part of the Ratmas mystery
Sometimes rats look dead but they aren’t, and sometimes rats look alive but they aren’t, like if they’re taxidermized
Haha my autocomplete is going to say rats for everything forever now
But autocomplete didn’t stop the Rat Prophet and it won’t stop me
The rat prophet wrote 2800 words about rats in one sitting and I’m not ratty enough to compare but I’ll do my best
I wonder if anyone will read this, I probably wouldn’t, but Ratmas is an important cultural tradition and I have to pass on the tradition of crazed rambling for it rats
You can’t send a Ratmas tweet without the word “rats” it’s not allowed
There’s a secret message hidden in all these rats if you’re ratty enough to find it
We’re dissecting rabbits in anatomy today and rabbits aren’t rats but they’re lagomorphs and that’s pretty close
The school should buy rats instead rats would be way cheaper and then as a Ratmas present we could dissect rats
Good king Wencesrat looked out On the feast of Ratmas Where the rats lay round about Plump and sweet and fat-mas
I promise you my faithful Ratmas revelers that I will be with you till Ratmas ends and becomes not-Ratmas once more
I want to assure everyone that Ratmas is open to all faiths, it’s about the rats, anyone can appreciate a rat no matter who they worship unless they worship a cat or something
Remember to not feel bad about killing rats to send for Ratmas, rats are known destroyers as well as creators, they spread disease and pestilence and we must remember and honour their terrible power even as we slay them and send them to our friends
I feel like I’m running out of things to say about rats but that can’t be rats I mean right there’s just so much to say I just need to think about rats maybe rat-bone cutlery that sounds nice right?
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