@MojangSupport with the audacity to ask for my rating of the support I recieved, implying the problem has been solved. IT HASN'T. It's been nearly 3 weeks and I STILL don't have access to my account, despite showing PROOF I BOUGHT IT EIGHT YEARS AGO.
sort it out.
Sorry about any delay you're encountering! We try to respond to tickets as quickly as possible in the order they were received. We appreciate your patience!