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  1. Retweeted
    Jun 8

    Sorry. Don’t want to drag everyone down but the consequences are unimaginable. We need Wonder Woman. Someone get on that.

  2. Jun 8

    . followed me back on twitter, does this mean I’m cool now?

  3. Jun 5

    "Animals sneeze. Dogs sneeze. Cats sneeze. Have you ever seen a cat sneeze? It's adorable." -

  4. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    Man, it smells like that overused Brand New lyric outside.

  5. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    I replied to the President with a clarification of his inflammatory and misleading tweet. Give it a like if you want more people to see it.

  6. Jun 1

    "I will not sacrifice grammar for humor!"

  7. Jun 1

    Maybe Trump realizes how bad he is at being President and figures if he completely destroys the Earth he won't have to face any consequences

  8. Retweeted
    Jun 1

    DEAR REST OF WORLD: Sorry we're hurting you but less than half our population voted for this so we have to do it. I know...it's confusing.

  9. May 30

    If you're in Nashville and not seeing and tonight then what are you even doing with your life.

  10. May 25

    Being an adult means making mac and cheese at 1am.

  11. May 23

    "This is a dream that I've had since lunch, and I'm not giving up on it now."

  12. May 17

    Accidentally left $60 at the Kroger self-checkout today. So, that's how my Wednesday is going.

  13. Retweeted
    May 17
  14. Retweeted
    May 16

    if you were as bad at your job as the president is at his, there'd be a bidding war in management over who gets to tell you you're fired

  15. May 15

    Falling asleep to the sound of gunshots in the distance is always fun. I guess.

  16. Retweeted
    May 10
  17. Retweeted
    May 9

    Can't be under FBI investigation if there's no FBI Director.

  18. May 10

    @ dude who has been in the bathroom for 20 mins: did u fall asleep? plz wake up.

  19. Retweeted
    May 9

    The moon is a giant space egg we just need to send an astronaut up there to sit on it so it will hatch

  20. May 7

    Anywhere that plays Kendrick, Drake, and J. Cole back to back is an A+ establishment.

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