let me teach you a lesson 
mesmerizing & precarious 
nightmare shadow(ban) person 
She/Her/Dr. 
“Help, a hot woman who does sex professionally is stalking me, a middle-aged white man in the midwest, all of which I can prove with my briefcase full of screenshots I’ve taken of her twitter account. I am not a creep.”
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That takes “humble bragging” to the stratosphere.
