First of all, I'll give you the advice that every writer gives: The best way to break into writing is to write writing advice threads. (2/?)
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These are usually broken up into way too many tweets, but that's part of the point. You really gotta explore the space to make it seem more significant. You're a writer! You've got knowledge to share! (3/?)
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Right off the bat, you gotta fake humbly list out accomplishments that seem impossible to someone breaking into the business. Then you say it wasn't easy, but won't really get into why. (4/?)
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Once I told an anecdote about how I wrote a thread about writing. Anecdotes are also a good place to name drop someone who helped you break into the business, does better than you, and weirdly writes no threads on writing advice. (5/?)
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Joke here about procrastinating real work, which is the actual reason anyone has ever written a thread on writing. (6/?)
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Earnest tweet with an embassing typo in it (7/?)
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*Correct embarrassing typo with an asterisk to prove you know words, you've got the best words (8/?)
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It's important you tell people to find a regular writing schedule that will work for them, despite the fact that people have complicated personal lives that often preclude them from "writing for an hour or two every morning." (9/?)
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Post a picture of your personal writing space, which is a desk packed with items that you bought online while you were procrastinating writing. (10/?)
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A lot of people ask you where to submit work and to that you say, total dodge of the question with a dovetail into believing in yourself and overcoming rejection (11/?)
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For some reason, you're going to talk about going to conferences now. Like the curse in "It Follows," the only way you can lose this pain is to give it to someone else. (12/?)
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Perfect place for an angry response to a person who dared question your knowledge. Quote tweet 'em! Yeah, that's the stuff! (13/?)
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Pretend you need to take a break but promise to come back despite nobody begging you to do so (14/?)
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You realize you didn't have anything else to add before you took a break, so you throw in a remix of all your greatest hits: Keep trying, believe in yourself, something self-effacing to dodge any emotional responsibility (16/?)
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Well, looks like it's time to close out your writing advice thread. Now's a good place to add disclaimers that this advice isn't good for everyone while burying the deep, dark fear that this advice isn't even good for you. (17/?)
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Promote something you've written and feel the worst sense of loss when this tweet gets the least amount of engagement. (18/18)
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