Michael S. Watkins

@MichaelSWatkins

member of Darlings and I got a big fat ass

goodgoodcomedy.com/bestofdarlings…
Joined December 2013
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Jun 9

    I remember this!

    1:52
    anyone remember that old MTV show Take A Hike? i was on an episode back in the day with and directed by check out the full vid:
    2 replies 4 retweets 25 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Jul 16

    Heard a rumor that if you piss in the ocean the fish whisper “thank you for the gold”

    3 replies 11 retweets 177 likes
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  3. Jul 16

    Dying laughing at these comments under an article about Geddy Lee(Rush) doing a book signing. People going “yea no thanks” Wtf?? Dude’s just trying to do a book signing!

    24 likes
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  4. Jul 16

    We compiled all of the best shit into one show. That’s what “best of” means. Jesus H

    1 retweet 11 likes
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  5. Jul 15

    I don’t think any of those freaks in Midsommar ever heard the Beatles either!

    1 reply 23 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Jul 14

    Cast Andrew WK as John Wick's mischievous but well meaning brother.

    1 retweet 9 likes
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  7. Jul 14

    This lady in the theatre during Midsommar said “this is weird” like 4 times so I waited out in the parking lot to tell her she won the “stupid old fucking lady award”

    27 likes
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  8. Jul 6

    Whenever I think someone is eavesdropping on me I start making up a story but just use the names of Family Guy characters so I’m like “I’m just sitting on the couch with Brian and Lois and who shows up? Quagmire. I’m so sick of him just popping in. Greased up deaf guy is cool-“

    1 retweet 16 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Jul 6

    TONIGHT. 10 PM. A mind-blowingly good lineup + FREE BEER on Yes Indeed. Get cheap tix:

    , , and
    2 retweets 4 likes
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  10. Jul 5

    This sucks

    1 reply 3 retweets 30 likes
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  11. Jul 5

    🎶streamin’ Californication🎶

    Meet Hank Moody. No man is more committed to a midlife crisis. is now streaming.
    1 retweet 11 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    Jul 5

    TONIGHT. 8:30 PM. One of our favorite shows of 2019 returns for an ENCORE PERFORMANCE! Blaze It Puff Puff Show w/ & + a slew of special guests. Cheap tix:

    , , and 2 others
    3 retweets 10 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    Jul 4

    Seems wasteful to shoot so many fireworks in different directions instead of aiming them all directly at God

    58 replies 2,215 retweets 14,226 likes
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  14. Jul 4

    120 minutes of napkins

    3 likes
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  15. Jul 4

    Look at this pack of napkins

    2 replies 6 likes
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    Show this thread
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  16. Jul 4

    You simply gotta “see deez”. That’s why they call them CDs!

    1 reply 6 likes
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  17. Jul 3

    During The Offspring’s performance of “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)”, the band brought an actual white guy onstage to dance. Possibly the titular “white guy” from the music video.

    11 likes
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  18. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    No pictures on Facebook or Instagram? Maybe Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow "put them away"!!!!

    1 reply 5 retweets 45 likes
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  19. Jul 3

    I’ll never forget the time this comedian I know posted a video of their set on FB and it was just them making fun of a “midget” playing the drums and all the comments were “I’m so proud of you Dave” and “you were always meant to be a star!”

    1 retweet 18 likes
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  20. Jul 3

    “Ok I’ll bite...” -me about to sink my teeth into my own penis

    1 reply 11 likes
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  21. Jul 3

    Staying inside all day so I don’t get pissed on by dogs, birds, etc...

    6 likes
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