Am I the only person who worries about calculating how much contribution or worth they bring to an interaction, in order to justify the opportunity cost incurred by other people spending time with me? maybe? okay
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Replying to @Meta_Aesthetic
idk if this will help you to hear but worrying about this makes your interactions worse you can trust other people to decide whether they want to spend time with you!
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @Meta_Aesthetic
Precisely. The heaviest burden I carried with myself for years was the belief that I had to justify my existence to others. Your existence is worth more than what you do for other people, and when I have a sec I'll clip the She-Ra scene that line is from because it's real shit
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Replying to @AdmiralOPG @QiaochuYuan
Thank you. I know it doesn't make much sense to use "necessity" or "justification" as measures of being, but it's almost as if I use them as crutches for my apparent lack of ability to figure out what I want to do.
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IDK why I focus so much on having to justify myself when I don't apply that same standard to other people—it feels like the world and everyone in it is proceeding fine without me, and my being there is some forceful intervention in an otherwise natural process.
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Replying to @Meta_Aesthetic @AdmiralOPG
this kind of feeling (maybe worthlessness?) can go real deep, usually there's childhood stuff there IME. this book might be relevant:https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X …
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Oh there's a whole shed of childhood shit I've been unpacking for the past few months, haha. Running on Empty has been a really helpful rec (think I started it after seeing something from you or @FioraAeterna?).
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