Like I'm used to being stingy and not expecting much, so I feel as if what I want couldn't be worthwhile, and I end up not doing anything that IS worthwhile. I'm reminded of SSC's predictive theory of depression (https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/09/12/toward-a-predictive-theory-of-depression/ …)
Realizing that my compulsive need to stay guarded and conserve my energy / avoid opportunity cost makes me underestimate the possible benefits of any new activity I could do, person I could meet, or thing I could learn. (Or I overestimate the value I want and become disappointed)
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This error has only been visible in hindsight, but almost all defense mechanisms are only visible in hindsight...I think it's easy to generalize disappointment from one area of life into all the rest.
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Seeing as I am cooped up inside anyway, now is the time to act as if any opportunity I take will have more positive effects than expected! Somehow the negative consequences / opportunity costs of choices and plans feel diminished while I'm handling everything through a screen.
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