A wonderful side effect of getting better at experiencing and processing negative emotions is that you start to welcome them with some metacognitive amusement/curiosity—"Ooh, look at how suddenly my anger just flared up when I heard that, I wonder what that's really about?"
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It's a different form of metacognition from the dissociative, spaced-out states I used to linger in. Dissociation is a state of absolute disinterest: you may be able to recognize your emotions, but any inner experience will be deadening and unworthy of any further curiosity.
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This surface-level recognition makes perfect sense since dissociation is a defense mechanism more than anything else. But dissociating from internal experience leads to the same amount of alienation and disconnection from what’s outside of you, as well.
4:47 PM - 23 Feb 2020
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