I've been thinking about emotional "power sources" for behavior. Lots of it is powered by fear these days, which has predictable unfortunate effects. Last year I did a lot of stuff powered by hope, which I eventually learned isn't that great either. That shook me, to learn.
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My first experience with giving up completely was trying to embody a personal sense of hope / meaning through existentialism, a flawed stance. Then I swapped to trying to embody nihilism, also a flawed stance. In both cases I honestly thought the stances would work for me.
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Hard to *try* to give up, because it’s less like an action moving towards an end-state (“once I give up everything will be fine”) and more like I was so exhausted that every form of activity and thought self-terminated the moment it arose.
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