Merry KishVarmennettu tili

Friends of friends got me a meeting with Luka Doncic's manager to build his personal brand. Literally my favorite NBA player. Exactly the opportunity I wanted. Had an amazing first call about it, & was given the opportunity to build a full pitch. I never contacted her again. 2/

That probably sounds completely bizarre. Who ghosts their chance at their dream? But depression is a wild thing. I might as well have been comatose then. 3/

I moved to NY on Jan 26. Quarantine started Mar 15. I was laid off June 30. My lease ended June 30. That Luka call? 2 weeks later. I had no job, no home, no friends in NY, & no hope to meet anyone during a pandemic. I couldn't have been in a worse headspace. 4/

But like so many in advertising, I built my identity around my work. Not having a job meant not knowing who I was, so I started job hunting the second I was laid off. That got me the Luka meeting, but I was in no mental shape to jump back into work. 5/

I couldn't get myself to build the pitch deck. I tried. Nothing came out. Out of shame, I never even followed-up to pull myself out of contention. So, I ghosted. Which of course spiraled into more shame & self-hatred! I couldn't understand why I was failing at a dream chance. 6/

Reality: I was just badly depressed. There wasn't gonna be some immediate solve. I wasn't gonna be able to pull off the Luka thing. And because I didn't understand that about myself then, I just punished myself for it. 7/

I only took one freelance project during the 3 months between my lay off and my new job, mostly because I just couldn't function. Fun fact: I still haven't invoiced for that job, for the same reason I couldn't build that pitch - self-caused shame at not being timely. 8/

I figured out I couldn't work yet, so I stopped trying - thank god for that. Opted for slow interview processes as I worked on myself. Got some help, and landed at an incredible job I didn't even realize existed. 9/