Merry KishVarmennettu tili

With a heavy heart I must announce that I won't be able to join The International Late Game team at #TI9 in Shanghai. Over the past few days I have been dealing with some severe mental and physical issues that I felt needed to be immediately addressed.

I wish the entire #TI9 team the best, and I'm sad I won't be surrounded by their unending passion and the exciting atmosphere and games of TI. I will be watching from home and offering my support in every way possible. I'll absolutely be there in spirit.

As many of you know, this past month has been an incredibly difficult one. The stress of a cross country move, Geoff Robinson's passing, supporting Anna both as a friend and an employee, the drama of the industry, personal attacks against me and my family... it became too much.

Shortly after the incredible high of Sacriel and Shannon's wedding, the emotional toll of the month came tumbling down on me as I realized I had pushed my feelings, grief, and stress to the side, only to have it collapse on me in one fell swoop. I broke down hard.

This began a series of panic attacks leading to physical symptoms that I had never experienced in my entire life. And then the thought of not doing #TI9 and letting down friends and colleagues weighed heavily on my mind and my heart... making matters even worse. A true spiral.

I did what I hope that anyone in this situation would do... I turned to friends and family. I shoved away the embarrassment of my situation, and I took a leap of faith... only to find what I already knew... That I would get the guidance I needed and be caught by those who care.

For those who dedicate themselves to this industry, I know you deal with some unique issues that rarely have easy answers or solutions. I hope this action will show you that it's OK to listen to yourself and your body, it's OK to take a break and recenter.

And most importantly... that there are people out there who would do anything to make sure that you're OK, you're loved, and want to talk. All you have to do is turn to them and say, "You there?". If you need that, my DM's are always open. Because I want to make sure you're OK.