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The fact that any trans people survive in most of the societies we're born into let alone flourish where possible is evidence of our titanic power. All of us. All of you. Even if all you can do is curl up in the dark and play Skyrim and cry. You're still alive despite the odds.
![[extremely nerd voice] obsidian gayscale](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/945303210310414336/9AN-U3-B_normal.jpg)
I still remember a day, when I was 22 and I had failed to transition. I had concrete plans to end my life. I saw a commercial about gynecomastia. And the commercial expressed such sympathy for their situation. I looked up insurance information.
Sometimes they were difficult to get covered, but I realized things like gynecomastia, low testosterone, PCOS, were generally covered if you fought for it. I flew into a rage. I screamed in my car so hard I couldn't speak right for days. Because they knew.
I'd told myself things were only this difficult because people had trouble understanding how much dysphoria hurt, emotionally, socially, and physically. But this clicked into place that they knew, because when a cis person's body betrays their identity they get treatment.
And, more importantly, they get understanding. Some people still tease them because some people are monsters, but generally people look at a cis boy growing breasts and understand that he is in pain, that he is ashamed, and he needs help. I screamed and screamed and screamed.
I couldn't even have explained to you at the time the interlocking prison bars of popular culture, cultural gas lighting, subtle social cues, etc that kept me in the closet. But I suspected from 13 years old that I was Bad and shameful, no help was coming, I was doomed.
It isn't fair. It wasn't fair. It continues to not be fair. The trauma of my youth left me vulnerable to exploitation by a monster because I didn't know how to value myself. That exploitation has left me weak and largely poor. I have resigned myself to never being really loved.
But I've survived. I continue to survive. I will throw my survival in the face of a world that never cared, that frequently told me I should just die, like an empty beer bottle in a bar fight. When I do finally die, a long time from now, it will be with bloody knuckles.
Hey since you're all here, and since It's the last leg of Pride, how about you support a trans woman doing her best to get along by purchasing my book? The paperback edition just came out today. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1250078415/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr= …
thanks todd howard
Completely agree though, just had to meme since skyrim was part of the subject
This is so painfully, viscerally, infuriatingly relatable. I will never forget the white-hot rage of learning that cis men with low testosterone could be prescribed the same drugs I so desperately needed and get them covered by insurance relatively hassle-free.
I'm on the flip side of this and it makes me so angry. I'm a cis woman with high T. If I want it treating, I decide, I just ask and I'll get a script and regular blood tests. I'm watching my gf jump through hoops to get the SAME medication or buy private & beg for blood tests.
Every breath we take is a small victory in a society where the people who want to kill us for existing have more power than us
And I, for one, am glad you're alive and surviving. Variety is the spice of life, and diversity is infinitely more interesting than homogeneity.
I need to hear this. I feel like such a failure at times with how much time I spend escaping into video games, but I should be dam fucking proud to just be alive, & even more so at the fact I've become an accomplished artist and a voice of encouragement for my brothers & sisters.
I feel all of this so much.
Omg so feel this right now, can’t say more on here @MathCollective_ definitely can
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