The main sticking point for the future of Vajrayana Buddhism, imo. Good discussion, especially from Pema Khandro Rinpoche (a white woman lama who teaches in Berkeley, CA). 
@VincentHornhttps://www.lionsroar.com/guru-model/
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Granted this happened after years of relationship and having built up tremendous trust already. I think that was essential, and is essential, to these more profound, non-conventional relationships.
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Yes, generally, years of relationship are critical. That’s one of the key points missed in the I-like-the-spiritual-friend-model-better discourse.
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How does one convey the profound dropping off of individuality that occurred, for ex, after an exchange in which I shared a dream with an older female teacher that involved anal sex? This shocked the people who were there witnessing it at the time, all of them teachers!
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That’s really funny, partly because I had very similar experiences with my first serious Buddhist teacher (also an older woman). She later told me she thought I was testing her, to see if she was unflappable, which she was. I wasn’t, though; I already trusted her for that.
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For me, it was the very act of sharing something taboo and vulnerable, and experiencing her response, which was totally open and accepting (from my POV) that enabled me to trust her enough to surrender completely.
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