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@MavenofHonor

not controlling the seas with my mind

Vrijeme pridruživanja: veljača 2013.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    22. kol 2019.

    Friend has been complaining about finding an avocado on his lawn every day for weeks now. Why would someone keep throwing avocados in his yard? Who would do that? You guys he just realized he has an avocado tree

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    WE WERE DUE FOR ANOTHER 86-YEAR CURSE ANYWAY

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  3. prije 7 sati

    Please excuse any typos as I am currently embroiled in a high stakes international hot air balloon chase

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    My horoscope: you need to assert your own identity in your relationships Me (texting my girlfriends): hey queens how do we feel about me asserting my own identity?

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Hey man how’s it going! What’s that you’ve got there? Wait, is that... my own petard? What’s going on dude

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. sij

    Your pet thunderstorm bobs around excitedly when you lift the lid of the terrarium. You turn on your hair dryer and blow in a tiny warm front. It booms with joy as its little clouds flash and roll

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. stu 2018.

    keep calm and make a little birdhouse in your soul

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    We’ve all had a lotta fun with caucuses and Super Bowls. Now we gotta keep that energy going for the INDEPENDENT SPIRIT AWARDS!

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    It's only Tuesday! There's still plenty of time to execute a daring jewel heist during an auction in a museum before escaping via speedboat to your own private island.

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  10. prije 22 sata

    When it seems like everything is an unmitigated disaster, it’s like hello could we try mitigating a disaster for once

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    I think I'm the character in the middle of the chaos just trying not to spill her drink.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    judging by my track record with umbrellas if i were given a lightsaber i would immediately misplace it

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    i have been sitting on this orange for three weeks and still it won't hatch

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  14. 4. velj

    If I seem unstoppable and ready to take on the world, it’s because I zipped off the hood of my jacket

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    our first foal of 2020 was born last night in a snowstorm.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    thinking about all the tape sitting in drawers all around the world, just being sticky 24/7 and waiting for its big break

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  17. 3. velj

    Exciting game so far

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  18. 2. velj

    Calling a technical foul on the guy at this party eating guac with potato chips

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Oh no. I filled up on plain oatmeal right before the big game.

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    14. stu 2019.

    literally just heard a guy outside talking to his dog say, “i thought you needed to go potty, David.”

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    *quietly using hand sanitizer over & over like a modern Lady MacBeth*

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