Matt OswaltOvjeren akaunt

@MattOswaltVA

I write comedy, occasionally date your aunt, and take photos of liquor stores which you can purchase on my website.

Vrijeme pridruživanja: veljača 2011.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ

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  2. 5. velj

    I know you're all sad about the impeachment but this cuddly Basset Hound is about to get a sausage & egg biscuit for lunch followed by a relaxing belly scratch

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  3. 5. velj

    nice try Nancy, but you need to take that speech to Mount Doom and cast it into the fires of Orodruin

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  4. 5. velj

    I hear Alex Jones has gout, is Trump gonna give him the Statue of Liberty?

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  5. 5. velj

    Nancy Pelosi looks like she's reading a bunch of spoiler alerts for the apocalypse

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  6. 4. velj

    By NOT showing up you only help Trump speak to a room full of cheering sycophants without any dissent which normalizes him even more - also it makes you and your fellow democrat boycotters look like cowards Fucking represent the people who elected you and attend.

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  7. 4. velj

    this looks like the scene from Airplane! when the stewardess plays a song for the little sick girl

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  8. 4. velj

    maybe they should try putting Iowa in rice

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  9. 4. velj

    I'm no political strategist but after Trump's victory in 2016 perhaps the Democrats should consider nominating their least viable candidate

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  10. 4. velj

    can't the Joker just break a pool stick in half and tell both candidates to 'make it fast'?

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  11. 3. velj

    flying to Iowa and writing this guys name in the ballot

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  12. 3. velj

    Ken Starr invoked MLK to defend Trump which is like Bill Clinton having Bill Cosby appear as a character witness during his impeachment

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  13. 3. velj

    this tweet is shocking. I can't believe Trump knew Kansas was located in the USA

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  14. 3. velj

    good for Andy Reid - he came so close with Philly, plus he coached at my alma mater Northern Arizona University. That said, seeing Martin Scorsese in a Super Bowl commercial made me really fucking sad

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  15. 3. velj

    "You have a brain tumor and no health insurance? We'll pay for your surgery if you give a hand job to this Poop Emoji on National TV.....GO!"

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  16. 3. velj

    I just hope J Lo and Shakira had enough time to get backstage and watch that amazing jaw-dropping Michael Bloomberg ad

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  17. 3. velj

    celebrities realize they can say 'no' to stuff, right?

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  18. 3. velj

    Holy shit...Trump, WalMart, Amazon, Rocket Mortgage? Is there a Halliburton commercial coming up with the cast of Friends?

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  19. 3. velj

    gotta admit Señor Spielbergo did a great job directing that Trump ad

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  20. 2. velj

    playing in the Super Bowl must like be trying to perform heart surgery at a Dave & Busters

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  21. 2. velj

    revisiting some of my favorite desert photos. I've printed all of these and they look amazing. Go buy yourself one and proudly hang it in your game room or dojo

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