Matt BellassaiOvjeren akaunt

@MattBellassai

Comedian. Internet drunk. Actual People's Choice Award Winner. Author of EVERYTHING IS AWFUL. Host of UNHAPPY HOUR the podcast.

New York City
Vrijeme pridruživanja: siječanj 2011.
Rođen/a 02. kolovoza

Tweetovi

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  1. god i wish i were just two lesbians in disguise

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  2. sun’s out serotonin lemme hear you make some noiiiiise

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  3. meatloaf or nutella banana bread there’s no way of knowing for sure but either way i made her and i love her

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  4. my mom had to go to the hospital for a bad virus and was druggily telling the nurses to follow me on the internet and im just saying this is the type of commitment i’m looking for

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  5. took some PG-13 photos of myself where i actually look p hot and im excited for you all to see them when my phone gets hacked one day

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  6. it was my half birthday today and nobody said anything bc you’re all FAKE

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  8. you can have my man card but it’s drenched in cum 😫

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  9. i can have a little bit of shakira pegging me, as a treat

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  10. having to go back to sports after j lo and shakira got me wet is home of phobia

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  11. when a toddler in a stroller makes sustained eye contact while im high at target

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  12. when someone at a party asks me what im doing with my life

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  13. i just hope Beyoncé is having a good time

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  14. j lo and shakira said coochies out ladies

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  15. just remembered everybody at the Cats screening last night started shouting “LET HER DIE” after Grizabella sang Memory and that 15 seconds was my super bowl

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  16. had my apartment professionally cleaned and when the cleaning person left i was like “hope it wasn’t too bad lol” and she just nervously laughed anyway that’s the last time we do that

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  17. got too stoned for a rowdy screening of Cats (2019) tonight and now i have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours????????

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  19. every so often i think about this tweet and cry all over again

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  20. happy 26th birthday to harry styles only

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