How to apologise: I read a brilliant article about this once and can't find it any more. It was ostensibly about how to teach children to apologise meaningfully, but I thought it was applicable for adults too. The essence was a template for a good meangingful apology in 3 parts:
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Template for a good apology: 1. I'm sorry I did X. 2. It was wrong because Y. 3. Next time I will do Z.
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I think (2) and (3) are amazing, and even (1) is important. I've rarely received apologies but all the ones in recent memory have been things like "I'm sorry if I offended you" or "I'm sorry you were offended". The first type doesn't even acknowledge any regrettable behaviour..
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The second type shifts the blame. Neither acknowledge any understanding of why the action was regrettable, or any desire to do differently in the future. No wonder they sound so hollow.
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I've never dared reject those hollow apologies and ask for one in this form, but I've made a pledge to myself that I will always give them in this form. If I can't, it shows I'm not really sorry.
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Another form I can't stand is "I'm sorry but..." and in this case I do often interject and say "No you're not."
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By the way, I'm sorry I can't find the original article. It's wrong of me not to give credit to the person who taught me this important thing. Next time I will save such things somewhere findable and email myself so that I can give due credit.
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With this guidance in mind, let me try again: I am deeply sorry to have spoken glibly and without due concern for the offense I might give by doing so; my crime was inadvertent condescension; and I will surely and scrupulously avoid recidivism.
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