Every time I read about violent, self righteous incels I get furious, because *plenty of women spend their lives feeling unfuckable*, but instead of being taught that the world owes them sex they're taught to think they're just worthless people.
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After the Elliot Rodger shooting I wrote a piece about this for Nerve (it's since been scrubbed from the internet along with all the rest of Nerve but lives on on http://archive.org : https://web.archive.org/web/20140602101212/http://www.nerve.com:80/love-sex/true-stories/confessions-of-an-awkward-teen-girl …)
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The more we erase the stories and experiences of lonely women who feel unattractive, unloveable, and undateable, the more we prop up the bullshit rhetoric of the "wronged man" that fuels these mass murdering assholes.
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Just a heads up it looks like I may be writing a piece about this topic, so if you're a woman (or, really, just not a straight cis man) who has had an extended period of feeling unfuckable/undateable/"involuntarily celibate" and wants to share your story, pls DM/email me.
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Also, just some points of reference: Elliot Rodger was *22* when he went on his shooting spree. Alek Minassian was *25*. Do you know how many people I know who didn't date or have sex until their late twenties or even thirties? Because... it's not a small number.
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PS If you found this thread valuable, feel free to show me some love.https://www.paypal.me/luxalptraum
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An addendum just to address some of the comments I've seen in response to this thread: I think it's important to acknowledge that when people of any gender say, "No one will ever have sex with me" what they're usually expressing is a *feeling*, not a fact.
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Because, if we want to look at facts, pretty much anyone can find *someone* to have sex with if just having sex is their priority (that's kind of the point of sex work). But people aren't actually saying, "It's a complete impossibility that my genitals will touch someone else's."
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What they're saying is that, "I cannot get access to sex under the terms that I deem acceptable and 'normal.'" Maybe that means, "No one I like likes me back," or "Women will not submit to me just because I say they're pretty."
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But generally speaking it's a sense of disconnect between the reality of sex and dating and our fantasy of how it should unfold. And that sense of disconnect, that *feeling*, is pretty universal across genders.
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PPS I really want to thank *everyone* who has reached out to me for the story I'm writing. My DM inbox has *exploded* but I'm going to do my best to respond to all of you (who've definitely confirmed the need for this story!).
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PPPS Over 150 people have directly messaged me wanting to talk, so, yeah, if this resonated with you, *you are not alone.* (And also I'm so so sorry to anyone I'm not able to respond to!)
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My piece has been written!https://splinternews.com/unfuckable-women-dont-go-on-killing-sprees-1825746733 …
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Not all men are taught that. Some men are also taught manners. Some men are taught that every woman is someone’s sister or daughter. Sadly, commodities like empathy and respect can not be bought on-line.
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"Every woman is someone's sister or daughter" No, every woman is SOMEONE. We're worthy for ourselves, not because we're adjacent to men. And this really isn't the place for
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Yeah, being taught to think of women as extensions of men isn't really much better than thinking of women as sex vending machines.
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This just struck a chord in me. I believe no one will want to be sexually intimate or even love me unless I can lose weight. And for the most part, it has been proven true. But I think at a base feeling I just don't feel worthy of any love. No one ever chooses me.
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Oh man, it's a hard place to be in and I totally get it. For what it's worth, I'm rooting for you.
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I hope you're doing an article on this
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I just need to figure out where to pitch one!
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if only blogs were pay-per-word
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