It’s been 14 years and I’m still afraid that if I detail out the things I went through people will read through the list and say, “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”
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The problem with non-physical abuse is so much of it sounds so minor on paper — and that is part of how abusers minimize their actions and keep their victims under their control.
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Opening up about abuse is traumatizing because the process of getting people to believe you repeats the minimizing dynamic of abuse.
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Btdubs if you appreciate my openness about my experience with abuse please understand that writing these threads often leads to me crying and feeling shitty. If you want to compensate me for reopening old wounds for your edification head this way:http://PayPal.me/luxlptraum
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I remember that my abuser used to say, when I began confronting them, that it "wasn't that bad" because they weren't "sending me to the hospital like some guys".
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"Have I ever hit you?"
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Which always seemed like a threat.
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Also, feeling guilty for “only” being emotionally abused.
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Or not even realizing it WAS abuse. We’re taught that abuse = black eyes and busted lips. Everything else is just a “bad relationship.”
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This. Also, the "minor" physical abuse, like hair pulling and whatever. It doesn't leave a mark (usually on purpose, they don't want proof of abuse) so it can't be that bad, right?
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This. So much this.
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(nods)
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I have a friend going through ending a marriage to an abuser. He’s so f’ing manipulative... but thankfully all her girlfriends are like... gurrrl! You can do better. His latest offer was that she ditch all her friends and he’ll stay.
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YES and this also makes it difficult for the victim afterwards when they are thinking about what to do. It’s so easy to rationalize away. :(
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I see you & hear you & don't need details.
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Exactly. They can then turn the whole town against you without you even knowing that they did.
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Great point
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