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  1. Retweeted
    24 Dec 2018

    I got in a car accident and I put the pics in a separate folder and my phone made a slideshow and this song started automatically playing with it

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  2. Retweeted
    Jan 1

    My New Years resolution is to live everyday like my right eyebrow. She a bad bitch

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  3. Retweeted
    25 Dec 2018

    the gay cousin, the face piercing cousin, and the cousin always going out for Walks are all very difficult positions to occupy and i think it’s very brave of me to take care of all three

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  4. Retweeted
    24 Dec 2018

    a pregnant virgin i can believe, but three wise MEN? all in one place?

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  5. 24 Dec 2018
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  6. Retweeted

    I feel bad about all the burglars who never had the confidence to rob a house on christmas thanks to me.

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  7. Retweeted
    22 Dec 2018

    Moral of the story get friends who take good photos

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  8. Retweeted
    22 Dec 2018
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  9. Retweeted
    18 Dec 2018

    It was a sweet and gentle reminder that we never know what folks are going through and it is always best to lead with kindness. When we can extend grace, we really should.

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  10. Retweeted
    20 Dec 2018

    Me responsibly washing my face after a night of drinking

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  11. Retweeted
    21 Dec 2018

    BREAKING: NBC is reporting that Ruth Bader Ginsburg literally voted from her hospital bed after getting cancer removed from her lung to save asylum seekers from the Trump Administration. The Final vote was 5-4!

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  12. Retweeted
    17 Dec 2018

    Why are men?

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  13. Retweeted
    16 Dec 2018

    You know what's wild, if Offset had left Cardi and she kept calling him, popping up in his IG live, getting all her friends to call him and call him out publicly, kept stalking him and turning up at his shows, we'd label her a crazy ex and say she needs help.

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  14. Retweeted
    8 Dec 2018

    How do incels reconcile their worldview with the fact that Danny Devito fucks

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  15. Retweeted
    13 Dec 2018

    It’s actually only “Frankenstein” if it’s created in the Frankenstein region of France. Otherwise, it’s a sparkling monster.

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  16. Retweeted
    11 Dec 2018

    White Christian: Wow I had no idea Christian middle easterns existed !! Me: Yeah there’s actually a very famous Christian middle eastern, maybe you’ve heard of him…? White Christian: *silence* Me: Jesus Christ

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  17. Retweeted

    They’re as worried as we are.

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  18. Retweeted
    9 Dec 2018

    Twenty years from now, kids listening to "Baby it's cold outside" are gonna find it really, really weird. We're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood in the context of its time. You see, it used to get cold outside.

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  19. Retweeted

    Netflix: “let’s get someone who fuckin hates Gossip Girl to write the description of Gossip Girl”

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  20. Retweeted
    11 Dec 2018

    Landscaping is a conversation with God

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