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11yo's school friend on Discord (they use it for voice chat during games) was making Liam uncomfortable so I stepped in to remind him to be a good pal. He then told me to "shut the fuck up" and that I was a "cow". This kid is 10. He picked the wrong Mama.
All we did was get on the channel to ask to be excluded from group calls (they call constantly) on weekends as they're at my place on weekends and don't get much game time. He said Liam "had a weird life". Liam was hurt by this and went all red.
I asked Liam if he wanted me to handle it and I jumped in to say "Hi, Liam's Mum here, just a reminder that all lives are different and that good friends don't make people feel weird about it". He then become a the world's tiniest edgelord. Obviously after seeing it elsewhere.
I said "Excuse me, [real name]? Would [teacher's name] be happy to know you talk like this online? Or your Mum?" He then started saying how I wasn't welcome in the chat and that it was "private", really doubled down on it all. Again, he's 10 years old. This shit starts so young
So I sent an email to his mother letting her know (I would want to know if the situation was reversed) and now I'm nervous as to how she's going to take it. I hope she's thankful and doesn't think I'm calling her kid bad. He's not. He's just in a place he doesn't understand.
I told her I wrote a book about online harassment & know how young it starts & what it becomes. I encouraged her to talk to him about online behaviour & how it's never acceptable to talk to women like that. I'm nervous that she'll react poorly but that shit just isn't on.
Parents: Your little angel is capable of behaving awfully online. I know you think they're not. If you don't want them to, do not allow them online unsupervised. Have frequent conversations about online behaviour. Remove the disconnection from "real life". Watch them.
Super useful conversation starter I've been using for a few months now is: "Have you seen anything online that made you uncomfortable, recently?" He'll often have an answer we can then unpack. He knows he can come to me when he feels weird without needing to know *why* he does
To lighten the mood afterwards I show him some gross gif I found online recently that made me uncomfortable. Or that fucking moth.
I normalise seeing bad shit online. It's folly to imagine its avoidable. When he asks how my day was I sometimes include the racist remark some shithead made to someone online that put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. It's important he knows we can talk about it.
"Well I went to the store and got us some new [blah], caught up with [friend], got heaps done, but then couldn't really concentrate after someone posted a photo on twitter that was a bit confronting, so I bought some flowers and cleaned the kitchen to try and cheer myself up"
Like "the sex talk" the "existing online talk" is a constant chatter forever. Lots of little conversations and some big ones, but always close by. Making sure you can encourage open and honest dialogue that goes both ways is the only way your kid can get out of this unscathed.
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