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Next time a guy gives me an excuse I’m going to reply with: “An independent fact checker is researching this. I’ll get back to you shortly”
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Next time I’m intimate with someone I’m dying to do a pre-flight safety demo right before







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Cuddle weather to “get the f*** off me” in 48 hours flat
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Tuesday: Fall Wednesday: Winter Thursday: Spring Friday: Summer Welcome to Miami!!
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I know I’ve been picking on men lately. So why stop now? Why do men pose in front of their cars? I have a car too. What’s your point? Are you an Uber driver? Is that really your car?
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What in the hell happened to 117th Ave!? I hate driving through here
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It’s taken me 52 years to learn you never ask “What could possibly go wrong?”
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It’s 2020. Some of y’all need new pickup lines




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The most thoughtful gift you can give your kids, family, partner, coworkers, colleagues, neighbors, strangers and so on is to heal yourself
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I’m definitely not into this layering of clothes. I’m tired and haven’t left the house yet


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I opened Facebook and thought I accidentally opened the Weather app


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Doctor: Are you using birth control? Me: Yep. My personality
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Any realtor friends out there in other cities?? Send me a DM!
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Is it me or is every Pollo Tropical Drive thru always awkwardly placed????
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I’ve been dating myself for a long time now ... and I must say that I’m a damn good girlfriend. Bad news: next guy has some big ass shoes
to fill 

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You ladies out there talking about how bad men are... I see how some of you comment on men’s posts...


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