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Laralyn's profile
Laralyn McWilliams
Laralyn McWilliams
Laralyn McWilliams
@Laralyn

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Laralyn McWilliams

@Laralyn

Game designer since 1994. Design lead: Free Realms, Full Spectrum Warrior, etc. Play Patterns & Practices Podcast: https://preview.tinyurl.com/yy4afvqe  She/her

Bellevue, WA
laralynmcwilliams.com
Joined March 2007

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    Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

    Tales of women in game dev, chapter 14: I was reminded in a chat today that I was asked during at least 3 different E3s whether I played the game... that I was demoing at our booth... while wearing my badge that clearly read "Creative Director" or "Lead Designer" + company name.

    10:24 AM - 22 Jun 2021
    • 910 Retweets
    • 4,376 Likes
    • patty 🎮 Carraway Em Johnson Scott 2shots Richards Samantha Reinert ☕️ beanie ☁️ Ростелеком Личный кабинет certified thembo 🌸 Caroline 🌸
    25 replies 910 retweets 4,376 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        It was so bad one year that I bailed on the company "women's sweater" after 30 minutes on the floor and changed into the men's tee shirt. Wearing the women's sweater created a 75% chance I would be ignored and a 25% chance I would be asked to intro the press to a "real dev."

        4 replies 15 retweets 653 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        While demoing Full Spectrum Warrior at our first E3, even after the Director had lost his voice and explicitly pointed me out as Lead Designer and asked press to talk to me, they would go to anyone BUT me, including the male models dressed as soldiers.

        6 replies 37 retweets 664 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        There was zero chance anyone would ever confuse me with a booth babe... but it was 100X worse for other women. It was infuriating to have endless male coworkers argue FOR booth babes when my female coworkers literally had to forcibly remove hands from their butts every E3.

        3 replies 31 retweets 662 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        If we tried to talk about our experiences, we were labeled by our male colleagues as "too sensitive" or "reading into things" or "blowing it out of proportion." It was compared to press being "rude" to them. It was impossible even to TALK about it to many male coworkers.

        1 reply 27 retweets 633 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        The discussion around booth babes and "strippers" at big publisher GDC parties became toxic for almost any woman trying to participate, regardless of their personal POV. Somehow saying "I'd like to attend a professional event without getting groped" was a controversial stance.

        1 reply 44 retweets 667 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        It was only a few years ago that I was told by multiple men, point blank: Discussing the issues women face in game development is "off-topic" and "too divisive" and "too political" for a professional game development chat group. And I'm a moderate, quiet voice about all this.

        3 replies 25 retweets 615 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        For the bulk of my career, it was just the price I had to pay to be a game developer. Silently acclimating to whatever gender-oriented bullshit that came my way shaped me, changed me. I wrote about it back in 2015.https://www.gamasutra.com/blogs/LaralynMcWillams/20150603/244944/Were_Not_Pegs.php …

        2 replies 18 retweets 471 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        Things have changed since the early days, both for better and for worse. It's great that we can have these conversations now! But what used to result in women's experiences being dismissed now results in harassment and death threats and, whether we respond or not, being exiled.

        1 reply 16 retweets 480 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        The biggest lesson for me was to open my eyes. It's entirely possible for a woman to spend most if not all of her career in game dev and have zero gender-related issues. It's also possible to encounter them non-stop, and every shade between. Everyone's experiences are different.

        1 reply 13 retweets 468 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        Now, as a woman over 55, I'm pretty sure it would be super hard for me to get a creative director gig on a AAA game despite my track record and experience. Definitely not on an action game--I watched that door close on me when I was around 45.

        1 reply 14 retweets 443 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        I remember when a major dev studio working on its first F2P MMO interviewed me for studio CD. It was right after Free Realms hit 20M players and had a ton of great press. The execs loved me but one lead designer said I "lacked credibility" with his team and that was the end.

        3 replies 12 retweets 407 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        I started getting the "what games are YOU playing?" test during E3 and GDC pitches at around 45, too. It became obligatory at around 50, and pubs would even interrupt me during pitches to ask. I wanted to answer: "Almost certainly more games and a bigger variety than you, bro."

        1 reply 11 retweets 463 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        In those moments, it's almost impossible for women to respond. You can't tell off the press covering your game, or the publisher you want to give your company money, or the guy at the crowded party wearing a badge from a big company, or the guy interviewing you for a new role.

        1 reply 14 retweets 419 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        And in most of those situations, if you take the risk and respond--even politely and professionally--they'll get mega offended, deny having done anything, and you're doomed. You're now the problem woman they don't want to work with.

        2 replies 15 retweets 469 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        I remember when I was briefly thinking about starting my own company to make a cheaper, modern Free Realms 5 years ago, I was told by someone in touch with potential investors that my discussion of women in games was "too much" and "too negative" and it closed that door forever.

        1 reply 14 retweets 397 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        And that was in response to discussions JUST LIKE THIS ONE. I have never, ever gotten more heated or more contentious than I have been in these tweets. And even this measured, calm, quiet discussion is too toxic for investors to want to partner with me.

        1 reply 10 retweets 422 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        I'm far enough and confident enough in my career and close enough to retirement that I don't care if this even-handed discussion extends the "toxic clock" on me. I'm speaking out for women who don't have those blessings. I hate the fact that so many women still leave game dev.

        1 reply 7 retweets 482 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        So my ask is that we all pause, take a breath, listen, open our eyes. When you see this behavior happening to someone else, if you can, say something. Do something, And, most especially, reach out afterward to the woman just to say, "I saw that. It happened. It wasn't you."

        1 reply 32 retweets 507 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Laralyn McWilliams‏ @Laralyn Jun 22

        I do believe things are changing, slowly. But that doesn't make it any easier for the women still experiencing the kinds of things I've talked about here. And it's exponentially worse for non-white, non-straight, non-cis women. Pause. Take a breath. Open your eyes. Listen. Help.

        15 replies 16 retweets 553 likes
        Show this thread
      21. End of conversation

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