It was so bad one year that I bailed on the company "women's sweater" after 30 minutes on the floor and changed into the men's tee shirt. Wearing the women's sweater created a 75% chance I would be ignored and a 25% chance I would be asked to intro the press to a "real dev."
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While demoing Full Spectrum Warrior at our first E3, even after the Director had lost his voice and explicitly pointed me out as Lead Designer and asked press to talk to me, they would go to anyone BUT me, including the male models dressed as soldiers.
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There was zero chance anyone would ever confuse me with a booth babe... but it was 100X worse for other women. It was infuriating to have endless male coworkers argue FOR booth babes when my female coworkers literally had to forcibly remove hands from their butts every E3.
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If we tried to talk about our experiences, we were labeled by our male colleagues as "too sensitive" or "reading into things" or "blowing it out of proportion." It was compared to press being "rude" to them. It was impossible even to TALK about it to many male coworkers.
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The discussion around booth babes and "strippers" at big publisher GDC parties became toxic for almost any woman trying to participate, regardless of their personal POV. Somehow saying "I'd like to attend a professional event without getting groped" was a controversial stance.
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It was only a few years ago that I was told by multiple men, point blank: Discussing the issues women face in game development is "off-topic" and "too divisive" and "too political" for a professional game development chat group. And I'm a moderate, quiet voice about all this.
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For the bulk of my career, it was just the price I had to pay to be a game developer. Silently acclimating to whatever gender-oriented bullshit that came my way shaped me, changed me. I wrote about it back in 2015.https://www.gamasutra.com/blogs/LaralynMcWillams/20150603/244944/Were_Not_Pegs.php …
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Things have changed since the early days, both for better and for worse. It's great that we can have these conversations now! But what used to result in women's experiences being dismissed now results in harassment and death threats and, whether we respond or not, being exiled.
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The biggest lesson for me was to open my eyes. It's entirely possible for a woman to spend most if not all of her career in game dev and have zero gender-related issues. It's also possible to encounter them non-stop, and every shade between. Everyone's experiences are different.
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Now, as a woman over 55, I'm pretty sure it would be super hard for me to get a creative director gig on a AAA game despite my track record and experience. Definitely not on an action game--I watched that door close on me when I was around 45.
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I remember when a major dev studio working on its first F2P MMO interviewed me for studio CD. It was right after Free Realms hit 20M players and had a ton of great press. The execs loved me but one lead designer said I "lacked credibility" with his team and that was the end.
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I started getting the "what games are YOU playing?" test during E3 and GDC pitches at around 45, too. It became obligatory at around 50, and pubs would even interrupt me during pitches to ask. I wanted to answer: "Almost certainly more games and a bigger variety than you, bro."
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In those moments, it's almost impossible for women to respond. You can't tell off the press covering your game, or the publisher you want to give your company money, or the guy at the crowded party wearing a badge from a big company, or the guy interviewing you for a new role.
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And in most of those situations, if you take the risk and respond--even politely and professionally--they'll get mega offended, deny having done anything, and you're doomed. You're now the problem woman they don't want to work with.
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I remember when I was briefly thinking about starting my own company to make a cheaper, modern Free Realms 5 years ago, I was told by someone in touch with potential investors that my discussion of women in games was "too much" and "too negative" and it closed that door forever.
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And that was in response to discussions JUST LIKE THIS ONE. I have never, ever gotten more heated or more contentious than I have been in these tweets. And even this measured, calm, quiet discussion is too toxic for investors to want to partner with me.
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I'm far enough and confident enough in my career and close enough to retirement that I don't care if this even-handed discussion extends the "toxic clock" on me. I'm speaking out for women who don't have those blessings. I hate the fact that so many women still leave game dev.
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So my ask is that we all pause, take a breath, listen, open our eyes. When you see this behavior happening to someone else, if you can, say something. Do something, And, most especially, reach out afterward to the woman just to say, "I saw that. It happened. It wasn't you."
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I do believe things are changing, slowly. But that doesn't make it any easier for the women still experiencing the kinds of things I've talked about here. And it's exponentially worse for non-white, non-straight, non-cis women. Pause. Take a breath. Open your eyes. Listen. Help.
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