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After 10+ years as
@LucasLascivious, my account was randomly suspended and, though I've filed an appeal, given others' interactions with Twitter Support, I'm not optimistic the appeal will be granted. Such is life, I guess.
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My Uber driver synced my Bluetooth with his woofers and I kind of want to apologize for the dance party I'm having in his backseat right now.pic.twitter.com/idmHdYX2E4
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open bar tab for all of my friends and that celebration of my life will be set to a playlist of my choosing (so expect a lot of Britney and Spice Girls).
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All my parents know is that I have *a* will, they don't know what it stipulates, but two of the primary tenets are (a) if you have a religious ceremony, I will haunt you from the afterlife and (b) the thousands of dollars you would elsewhere spend on a burial will be spent on an
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I should probably forewarn my parents that I updated my will and stipulated this song WILL be played at my memorial service.pic.twitter.com/dCCuR3gJRB
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P.S. Speaking from experience. I'm sure she won't remember this, but we got wasted together at some bar in Lenox Hill (I believe), like, eight years ago because her gays knew my gays.
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Unpopular opinion: people are unnecessarily mean to
@MeghanMcCain. Yes, her constant invocation of her father is annoying and, yes, we have VASTLY different political beliefs, but if you've ever hung out with her, she's pretty chill and fun irl.https://twitter.com/Jezebel/status/1122146380745588736 …
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This dude on Tinder lists his occupation as "YouTube personality" and I've never swiped left faster in my life.
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Meghan McCain was only on The View for three days of this week, but man did she make it count...pic.twitter.com/pRTfDmDJmj
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Though, full disclosure, I do have a thermos full of Chardonnay (and I suspect I'm not the only one).
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My former sister-in-law's wife asked the other day if I'd ever want children and, honestly, if they were like 4+, sure, because I'm actually having fun sitting out here and chatting with the softball moms.
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The umpire at my niece's softball game looks like a poor man's Kit Harrington and I'm here for it.
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A. I agree with Trump for, I think, the second time in his presidency, re: Beto. B. Um, I consider "a nasty wit" to be one of Kamala's virtues, not a vice.pic.twitter.com/CiPcCCFfrX
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"All [Mueller] had to do is what people in the justice system do every day: use the law to come to justice, not be so restricted by technicalities that the bad guys win."
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This is Andy Cohen’s faulthttps://twitter.com/pschlarm/status/1122113097437798401 …
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Me watching
@BrendanScannell in#Bonding tbh. I love a ginge.pic.twitter.com/avHzPXf0EdThis media may contain sensitive material. Learn more
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I'm craving panko-breaded swordfish.
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Potentially the best Daily Mix playlist
@Spotify has ever suggested to mepic.twitter.com/MJP79W2oF4This media may contain sensitive material. Learn more
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I’m laughing so hard I might pukepic.twitter.com/Dow1KXebJC
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i suggest y’all go listen aly and ajs new music bc those girls rly are making back to back bops
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FINALLY back home, not that I'll get much of a break, because I'm definitely getting my drank on tonight, have to go to my niece's softball game at 10 AM tomorrow, then have to move Sunday. Ugh.
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