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[first day as a bartender] Customer: I'll have a martini, dry Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this
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If anything they seem MORE Miserables!
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We are the daughters of the hoes you could not scare
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Four completely disparate languages in one name, just a thing of beauty
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J Kenji Lopez-Alt is the most American name of all time, I love it so much
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pronouncing Operator like it's a fancy singing evil robot
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My favorite Italian American trait is just to drop the last syllable of words. "Where ya goin, ma is gonna make a lasagn'" Save that time king
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A dog named Beston but he goes by Bestie :')
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The sound of a click followed by the bypass machine powering downhttps://twitter.com/KaylaChowShow/status/1527296427948638208 …
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The whole "Working class people don't care about LGBT issues" is v funny because it implies there's a level of wealth at which it is finally possible to unlock the quality of being Gay As Hell, but this privilege is cut off from the lowly poors, who must toil in heterosexuality
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New York City more like Poo Dork Shitty
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Booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere, and not a drop to drink
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On a call with a new coworker and he looks down and goes "hello, can I help you? Ok well goodbye" and we were like "Oh is that your kid? Or a cat?" and he said "no that's our roomba"
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Holy shit it's Cara Delevingnehttps://twitter.com/proudbugman/status/1526387041679945728 …
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Thank you so much for asking, Smash Mouth; yes, my world is also on fire
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Kyle Retweeted
treating radicalization like a mystical mind virus that can be uploaded to people by reading the wrong thing instead of a complicated series of failures by society at every single turn has led us to this point and i don't see people changing their tune any time soonhttps://twitter.com/rothschildmd/status/1525880365906157568 …
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Newborns are cool cuz they'll start crying and u can be like "oh u mad? Gonna shit your pants about it?" And then they do
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The invention of fermented alcohol (10,000 BCE)https://twitter.com/adoptedhighway/status/1525646933083168770 …
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