Krud™’s Tweets

Oct 16, 2021

[Sign above two doors: One guard always lies, the other always tells the truth. You can only ask one guard one question.] Adventurer: *walks up to guard* "Ahem. Which door would the other guard tell me is safe to walk through?" Guard: "I do not recall." Adventurer: "...shit."

Aug 21

I appreciate the joke, but my brain really wants to know what goes in the overlap section of just 4-year-olds and Product Managers.

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Dani Halfin

@dani_half

· Aug 20

I feel personally attacked

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When replacing a toilet handle, the lock nut is "lefty-tighty" and I'm still low-key mad about it.

Dear Twitter: When a celebrity over the age of 60 is trending, Please add some sort of symbol or label or something indicating that the person is still alive. PLEASE.

Me: *after watching an enjoyable YouTube video* "Why are the comments underneath always the 'Top' comments? What if I just switch it to 'Newest' comme--" Comment Section:

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It seems like clickbait often hinges on giving people a chance to prove there right. Good thing their isn't anything in this post for people to correct.

My iPhone asked if I wanted cycling directions and that made me realize with 100% certainty that my phone is not tracking anything I do.

Aug 18

(Reason for this survey: I want to find out just how odd it is [or isn't, depending] that most of the things I knock over are generally knocked over as part of my attempts to not knock them over.)

If and when you drop something or knock something over, what is usually the main cause?

Random chance/clumsiness.
60%
I deliberately caused it.
0%
My efforts to prevent it.
40%

10 votesFinal results

I always hear about this sort of thing after the fact.

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Fatherly

@FatherlyHQ

· Aug 18

When and where can I see the Aurora Borealis? The best times to view the Aurora Borealis, according to New York Post, are between 11 pm and 4 am on August 18th (which you have probably missed).

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Aug 18

Was not expecting to see the $$ indicator next to a donut shop's Google page. Sidenote, it's nearly impossible get good search results for $$.

Aug 18

This song's chorus get stuck in my head quite often. ("♪It's the little old earworm from Pasadena...")

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Summer Woods

@SummerWoodsSong

· May 24

My new song, “Pasadena”, is officially OUT!! Stream it and let me know what you think! bit.ly/3G4ovFS

Krud™ Retweeted

Rachel Figueroa

@Jewyorican

Mix things up by putting framed quotes meant for the kitchen into the bathroom

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FW a supervisor is reviewing documents from a year ago and you are silently hoping there are no mistakes, because if there are, you know it's been too long for you to remember why you did what you did or how you didn't catch whatever it was.

Aug 17

Cold take: I think we need to bring back revealing our dinners from underneath stainless steel domed lids.

I imagine Robin says this to himself in the mirror each morning.

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David McIlroy

@davidmcwriter

· Aug 15

Who's an underrated superhero?

"All my... used Lincoln bibles are on this plane."

Misheard lyrics from Weird Al's Tacky: "All my... used Lincoln bibles are on this plane."

youtube.com

5 seconds · Clipped by krudmonger · Original video ""Weird Al" Yankovic - Tacky" by alyankovicVEVO

Microsoft: "When drag and drop doesn't work, left click a file in Windows Explorer or File Explorer, and keep the left click mouse button pressed. While the left click button is held down, press the Escape key on your keyboard, once." Me: "Okay, that worked, but...

Stephen Colbert Was Supposed To Star In 'Severance' - Here Are His...

This might be the best possible promo for "Severance."

youtube.com

Stephen loves everything about the hit AppleTV+ show, 'Severance,' except for the fact that he didn't get to star in the show. Luckily we found all of his sc...

Aug 14

Person posting on a forum: "Why can't I post on this forum?"

Google search "cat" and click on the paw. Then click all over your screen. I'm easily amused-- thank you Google devs.

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Aubrey Plaza Is the Ultimate Low-Key Movie Star

Aug 13

"Hey Google, is there a route through Michigan without construction delays?" Google Maps:

"Aubrey Plaza is the stealth-weapon actress of our era," writes Stephanie Zacharek (

@szacharek

)

time.com

Why the actor, who stars in this month's Emily the Criminal and Spin Me Round, is so good in everything she touches

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Aug 12

Update: Someone did fix it a few years, ago, and it's as overly-complicated as I hoped. Source: somethingaweek.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/190

I know, I "must be a lot of fun at parties," but this was SO close to being good that I hate that it falls short. It even cuts out the whole "And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders." It has potential! Someone please fix it.

I've tried to ignore this viral flowchart, but I can't. It just flows badly. The way it's charted, you only get to do one verse (of your choice) then you're directed to the "better better better better Waaaaa -- na, na, na" part, with no arrows back to the rest of the verse(s).

Had a dream I was in an action movie that was being riffed by MST3K, though the only line I can still remember was when a drop ceiling collapsed but avoided me completely and Crow said "He has the powers of Buster Keaton!"

Orcs and Uruk-hai With Normal Voices - Extended Editions HD

Aug 11

"Manflesh!" #LOTR #LOL #FOTR #ROTFL

youtube.com

Oh gosh you guys, the boiiz are back and better than ever! This is an HD remaster of all of the current Orcs with Normal Voices videos that includes... - 4 e...

Aug 11

Twitter: [This tweet is by someone you have muted.] Me: "I wonder why." *clicks UnMute* *reads* Me: "Ah yeah, that was why." *re-mute*

Aug 11

Goodreads: "Sign in to get updates on your favorite authors!" Me: *signs in* Goodreads: "Yep, they're still dead." #NotVerbatim

The Truman Show

Website: "It's been a while! You should come back and check us out!" Same Website: "We're about to remove a ton of cool things you liked back when you used to visit our site. Log in to save whatever you've done."

Thinking about hiring an AI to write a tweet about how frustrating it is to know that people are now hiring an AI to write things.

Last night in #TTRPG-land:

I know I've said it before, but it really bugs me that they plopped down a residential neighborhood across the street from my workplace. I can't stare blankly out the window without looking like a stalker.