Kim Jong-Un

Honestly, Sushi sucks.

The most cruelest thing America has ever done to us is the invention of food emojis. They took it too far.

My evil laugh is so perfect It basically could get you executed.

I tried out my storm trooper costume. Turns out I'm too fat to fit in it. I had it executed.

I'm the greatest world leader ever. But even I need my Butler to read me " Goodnight Moon " before I sleep.

We're are realistically number one at everything. Famine. Missile explosions. Blackouts.

Things I'm afraid of: Clowns. Fuck clowns.

My ambition is to rule the world. With a Darth Vader costume. Would be so awesome!

There are 3 certain things in North Korea: 1. Labor camps. 2. Missiles. 3. My triple chins.

When I said nuking Japan would be a piece of cake. I meant it literally. We don't have money to buy cakes. Fuck Japan.

My first agenda meeting Trump would be so crucial to ensuring World peace. Our haircuts.

My haircut is so sleek its basically Nuke-proof.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Trump is your president, Best. Moment. Ever.

I had my guard do a mannequin challenge on one foot for 30 seconds. His eyes blinked. I had him executed.

Feel free to come in North Korea, Americans. One rule though. Its illegal to leave.

There are never protests in North Korea. Its because my people love me so much. And also, I'd hang you if you did.

Don't think I'm tough? I did a full single push up this morning. You don't want to mess with me.

I sent my spies to America. I got the best news ever. Shake 'N Bake.

Just woke up to the greatest news! Donald Trump is the new America. Its good to know mad men like us can still lead in the 21st century.

I don't know why everyone panicked because I went missing for a couple of days. I was doing yoga lessons. My butt feels great.