Kevin Simler

it's frustrating how hard it is to lose the last ~30 pounds, but my life has improved immeasurably since I stopped trying to accept my (previous) weight and accepted that I wanted to be thin

This sounds like an example of something I’m fascinated by: being alienated from one’s own preferences. (Is that what happened to you here?) I get this way a lot (in other contexts) — finding myself confused about what I actually want. How does that happen??

"want" equivocates between two fairly different things which one might call "approach want" and "avoid want," e.g. "i want ice cream" vs. "i don't want people to hate me" avoid wants overpower approach wants and are strongly tied up with social incentives (avoiding disapproval)

growing up many people are constantly being coerced into doing things by parents, school, society broadly, etc. and the desire to avoid punishment from these people can come to overwhelm nearly any approach-want

this is before getting into _internalizing_ other people's coercion and punishment into an inner critic

from a more neutral IFS-style perspective, thinking of people as collections of parts broadly, "want" equivocates between what your different parts want; being confused about what you want means your parts are in internal conflict