it's frustrating how hard it is to lose the last ~30 pounds, but my life has improved immeasurably since I stopped trying to accept my (previous) weight and accepted that I wanted to be thin
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w/r/t my weight (really my size, the number is just shorthand) it was more like denial that I finally let go of in terms of lifestyle, it was a discovery process! I tried a lot of stuff and I'm still experimenting
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something I discovered when I finally started recovering from depression is that my brain is super good at rationalizing feel bad —> no good reason —> frustrated by feeling bad without having a good reason —> brain produces rationalization and suggests it as a reason
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before I was consciously aware that my brain did this, I always took it seriously, and I'd try to solve whatever problem my brain pointed me toward (usually badly, because this was pre-effectively-treated depressed sonya) but my brain's "reason" was a total red herring
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I used to be very angry at someone in my personal life, and then a friend told me that its okay to be angry, and then suddenly I was not angry anymore. This feels kind of like that
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why weren't you angry anymore?
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