it's frustrating how hard it is to lose the last ~30 pounds, but my life has improved immeasurably since I stopped trying to accept my (previous) weight and accepted that I wanted to be thin
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This sounds like an example of something I’m fascinated by: being alienated from one’s own preferences. (Is that what happened to you here?) I get this way a lot (in other contexts) — finding myself confused about what I actually want. How does that happen??
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w/r/t my weight (really my size, the number is just shorthand) it was more like denial that I finally let go of in terms of lifestyle, it was a discovery process! I tried a lot of stuff and I'm still experimenting
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“denial that I finally let go of” — that’s helpful
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Didn’t you write a whole book about how we deceive ourselves about our goals?
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Hm, sounds familiar! (but I have a terrible memory)
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"want" equivocates between two fairly different things which one might call "approach want" and "avoid want," e.g. "i want ice cream" vs. "i don't want people to hate me" avoid wants overpower approach wants and are strongly tied up with social incentives (avoiding disapproval)
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growing up many people are constantly being coerced into doing things by parents, school, society broadly, etc. and the desire to avoid punishment from these people can come to overwhelm nearly any approach-want
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Fear of ones preferences not being accepted/not being good enough is one way this happens? Its easy to rationalize and put preferences in the back burner this way. I think Steven Pressfeld talks about something along these lines in his books
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