k e i t h   

@KeetPotato

📍texas 🏠 england ✉️ keetpotatomail@gmail.com

Joined July 2012
Born August 01

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  1. Feb 1

    if you work in the food industry reply to this tweet with where you work and would you eat there, if not why?

    Undo
  2. Jan 30

    remember when workplaces didnt take mental health seriously, you’d tell someone you were stressed n they’d just be like “have this small squashy ball with our logo on it”

    Undo
  3. That’s Kobe’s building the Grammys are gonna have to wait

    Undo
  4. My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.

    Undo
  5. Jan 22

    [the first person to invent a pistol is robbing a bank] him: [holding it up] “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY” bank teller: “i don’t know what that is but fuck you”

    Undo
  6. Jan 21

    penguin on right: “i need to tell you something” penguin on left: “okay?” penguin on right: “i don’t eat fish” penguin on left:

    Show this thread
    Undo
  7. Jan 16

    settle an argument, you’re sharing a pizza, do you: - take Slice 1 (because it’s the next slice) or - take Slice 2 (because you took a few seconds to decide it’s the best slice)

    Show this thread
    Undo
  8. Jan 16
    Undo
  9. Jan 14
    Undo
  10. Jan 13

    [asking to cuddle] can we 99

    Undo
  11. Jan 12

    [god creating humans] god: “the balls are the most painful part” angel: “ok so let’s make sure they’re most protected yeah?” god: “dangle em outside” angel: “....” god: “in a small bag”

    Undo
  12. Jan 10

    here’s an idea, give free coffee for life to someone who can’t afford it

    Undo
  13. Jan 9
    Undo
  14. Jan 7
    Undo
  15. Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you Me: I didn't call you Demon: I did

    Undo
  16. Jan 6

    This is the plant based meal being given to all koalas at the London Zoo this year. No option with meat at all. No choice. Welcome to England in 2020 where vegan extremists rule. 🤮🤮🤮

    Undo
  17. Jan 4

    when your son won’t stop singing songs he learnt from a fucking warthog

    Undo
  18. literally anyone: “would you like some ice cream?” me: [knowing ice cream makes me serverely ill] “ooo yes please”

    Undo
  19. hope you all have a christmas

    Undo
  20. sometimes you actually do get what you want in life

    Undo

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