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if you work in the food industry reply to this tweet with where you work and would you eat there, if not why?
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remember when workplaces didnt take mental health seriously, you’d tell someone you were stressed n they’d just be like “have this small squashy ball with our logo on it”
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k e i t h Retweeted
That’s Kobe’s building the Grammys are gonna have to waithttps://twitter.com/foxla/status/1221548895659950081 …
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k e i t h Retweeted
My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.
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[the first person to invent a pistol is robbing a bank] him: [holding it up] “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY” bank teller: “i don’t know what that is but fuck you”
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penguin on right: “i need to tell you something” penguin on left: “okay?” penguin on right: “i don’t eat fish” penguin on left:pic.twitter.com/Jy3Ch4XOqo
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settle an argument, you’re sharing a pizza, do you: - take Slice 1 (because it’s the next slice) or - take Slice 2 (because you took a few seconds to decide it’s the best slice)pic.twitter.com/3Snv0Gr25z
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roses are red giraffes are very tallhttps://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1217909231946477575 …
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k e i t h Retweeted
[asking to cuddle] can we 99
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[god creating humans] god: “the balls are the most painful part” angel: “ok so let’s make sure they’re most protected yeah?” god: “dangle em outside” angel: “....” god: “in a small bag”
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here’s an idea, give free coffee for life to someone who can’t afford ithttps://twitter.com/TimHortons/status/1215063586852233216 …
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k e i t h Retweeted
Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you Me: I didn't call you Demon: I did
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This is the plant based meal being given to all koalas at the London Zoo this year. No option with meat at all. No choice. Welcome to England in 2020 where vegan extremists rule.


pic.twitter.com/Ra0tQ1x9G9
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when your son won’t stop singing songs he learnt from a fucking warthogpic.twitter.com/p8qM1It9KW
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k e i t h Retweeted
literally anyone: “would you like some ice cream?” me: [knowing ice cream makes me serverely ill] “ooo yes please”
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hope you all have a christmas
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sometimes you actually do get what you want in lifepic.twitter.com/C7ljELWAeC
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