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KeatonPatti's profile
Keaton Patti
Keaton Patti
Keaton Patti
Verified account
@KeatonPatti

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Keaton PattiVerified account

@KeatonPatti

I've written for @NewYorker, @TheOnion, @ComedyCentral, @McSweeneys, @FunnyOrDie, and perform at @UCBTNY. You may remember me from the previous sentence.

keatonpatti.com
Joined January 2012

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    Keaton Patti‏Verified account @KeatonPatti 13 Jun 2018

    I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page.pic.twitter.com/CKiDQTmLeH

    11:07 AM - 13 Jun 2018
    • 120,607 Retweets
    • 326,341 Likes
    • t wendolyn. That One Guy spring • 스프링키스 love, phil 🏳️‍🌈 George Lopez Vee Lea ℛ𝒾𝒶🐇🌼
    5,791 replies 120,607 retweets 326,341 likes
      1. Keaton Patti‏Verified account @KeatonPatti 14 Jun 2018

        Hey @olivegarden, let me know if you want to use this.

        83 replies 228 retweets 8,976 likes
        Show this thread
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      1. Keaton Patti‏Verified account @KeatonPatti 21 Aug 2018

        Thanks to @OliveGarden the bot now has a Pasta Pass and can eat as much pasta as it wants. I will try to make sure it doesn't short circuit on fettuccine, but no promises.pic.twitter.com/JXrXIf9cza

        16 replies 47 retweets 1,170 likes
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      1. Keaton Patti‏Verified account @KeatonPatti 17 Oct 2018

        Whenever you read this, it's #NationalPastaDay

        3 replies 13 retweets 239 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Krista Doyle‏ @Krista_Doyle 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti

        My co-workers and I were wondering how this would play out IRL, so...yeah.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-GskiOF3p8&feature=youtu.be …

        17 replies 60 retweets 517 likes
      3. Tweet unavailable
      4. Krista Doyle‏ @Krista_Doyle 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @rhanley83 @KeatonPatti

        The most hard

        1 reply 0 retweets 72 likes
      5. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Jessica Pucci‏ @jessica_pucci 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti

        My students acted out your script. The camera’s shaking because my mouth is full of secret soup.pic.twitter.com/pyHdaFZ7qy

        4 replies 33 retweets 352 likes
      3. Jessica Pucci‏ @jessica_pucci 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @jessica_pucci @KeatonPatti

        .@olivegarden: When you're here, you're here!

        1 reply 0 retweets 65 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Steve Gowin‏ @squishy_brain 15 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti @doctorow

        Steve Gowin Retweeted Janelle Shane

        Clearly fake. AI experts agree:https://twitter.com/JanelleCShane/status/1007061610005794817 …

        Steve Gowin added,

        Janelle Shane @JanelleCShane
        These "I forced a bot to watch X" posts are almost certainly 100% human-written with no bot involved. Here's how you can tell. 1/12 https://twitter.com/KeatonPatti/status/1006961202998726665 …
        Show this thread
        10 replies 3 retweets 144 likes
      3. Grouchoral Marxist‏ @daveleack 15 Jun 2018
        Replying to @squishy_brain @KeatonPatti @doctorow

        I bet they're a riot at parties.

        2 replies 1 retweet 73 likes
      4. 0re0‏ @_Oreodave_ 12 Oct 2018
        Replying to @daveleack @squishy_brain and

        It’s not really funny when the premise isn’t true lmao

        4 replies 0 retweets 35 likes
      5.  🐝 Bute Cieftain  🇬🇧‏ @AddisonCookie 19 Oct 2018
        Replying to @_Oreodave_ @daveleack and

        Thats why things like the Onion exist

        1 reply 0 retweets 17 likes
      6. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Mac*‏ @Machaizelli 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti

        @olivegarden please turn this into a commercial just for Twitter

        1 reply 7 retweets 191 likes
      3. Antici‏ @yogscast_lover1 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @Machaizelli @KeatonPatti @olivegarden

        YES

        0 replies 0 retweets 19 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. chris melberger‏Verified account @chrismelberger 14 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti

        when you're here, you're here.

        0 replies 5 retweets 380 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Intv Prime‏ @IntvPrime 18 Jun 2018
        Replying to @KeatonPatti @feliciaday

        We are now trying to listen to that text through an Intellivoice. On-screen text is good, but a robotic #80s voice speaking it is even better. #Intellivisionpic.twitter.com/lXqHhwco3z

        Intellivision® Prods
        3 replies 2 retweets 25 likes
      3. Bryan Land‏ @keylimepirate 18 Jun 2018
        Replying to @IntvPrime @GregRozeboom and

        As George Plimpton regally stated: "Intelligent....Television."

        2 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
      4. Graves Make RosesBloom‏ @GregRozeboom 18 Jun 2018
        Replying to @keylimepirate @IntvPrime and

        @fallwestmike If I remember right, that whole damn module was what it took to do the speech synthesis, correct? Kill me, but I would love to see a diagram of all the different components inside it,and how they would relate to the modern microchip version thats 1/100th the size.

        2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      5. Bryan Land‏ @keylimepirate 18 Jun 2018
        Replying to @GregRozeboom @IntvPrime and

        They had a talking Tron game, as I recall.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      6. Intv Prime‏ @IntvPrime 18 Jun 2018
        Replying to @keylimepirate @GregRozeboom and

        Tron Solar Sailer. Super-ambitious and still playable in 2018! #thanksKeithpic.twitter.com/TtKVgyPkeK

        0 replies 2 retweets 10 likes
      7. End of conversation

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