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  1. my costume is toxic shame I put on white jeans and stayed home

  2. No way, doorbell

  3. PET PEEVE: when a literal skeleton pushes me, a screaming lady, into some water

  4. That house that only hands out banana runts.

  5. Here's a little something to creep you out today ☠️🔪👥🕳

  6. nobody cares my g

  7. I recommend the new season of The Fall if you need an excuse to isolate

  8. oh my god have so much fun tonight

  9. SECURITY QUESTION: "who is your favorite singer?" ME: ummmm forget it I don't feel like online banking anymore

  10. this big group of bicyclists in Halloween gear just rode by and a skeleton gave me the "call me" sign I have still got it

  11. we're all just running scenarios

  12. Oh we're talking about ongoing investigations today? Cool. Hey Donald Trump has to go to court in December for allegedly raping a child.

  13. Inspired by the way purple elbowed its way into the Halloween colors

  14. I like to get up early, put on the Bach cello suites and pretend I have a college education

  15. favorite scary picture: the boötes void, a lightless gap in space 330,000,000 light years wide

  16. A guy at the liquor store asked if they sold water, and on hearing that they don't he said "Oh so y'all JUST gettin people fucked up then"

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