Kanye's Skirt

Finally recovered after a near brush with death at the hands of bad Beverly Hills dry cleaning.

The Hobbit was incredible. Im not saying Kanye banged Snooki, just to clarify.

Im a good product of fashion in the same way @kimkardashian is deserving of celebrity. Which is to say, we're not.

Day 5: with the crabs defeated the briefs and i are searching for food. We found some old cheese, but doubtful briefs will survive the night

Cant believe SNL didnt have me come in person. Having a word with my agent

Sample tracks off my solo album: "(How Could You Be So) Pantless", "Skirt Lockdown", "My Dark Twisted Wedgie", and "Flashing Tights"

I hope @kanyewest has a sense of humor or i might get returned to the store. I hear Sean Connery likes kilts, maybe theres hope for me.

Silent for the rest of the day out of respect for the tragedy in CT. Hilarity shall ensue tomorrow.

Day 3 in the nethers: the briefs and i have encountered hostile crabs and are attempting to subdue them.

Thinking of getting therapy to deal with the trauma of last night. Even Mick Jagger told me I was too much.

The paternity test is in. Apparently i'm a Givenchy. But i dont speak french. My bet's on Old Navy.

Anybody know what gets bodily fluids off leather the best? I'm asking for a friend.

Glad Kanye didnt cover Get Low last night. Ball sweat and skeeting wouldnt be good for my complexion.

Writing a new rider for my public appearances. Item 1: pine tree air freshener in morning fresh scent. Item 2: case of activia yogurt.

Day 2 in Kanye's nether regions. The boxer briefs and i have formed an alliance to attempt escape.

It seems I'm more popular than @kanyewest 's actual performance. Maybe i should think of going solo.

Currently in negotiations for my own E! True Hollywood Story.

Alright, goin in the suitcase for the night. @kanyewest is taking me shopping for matching hooker boots tomorrow.

Hope everyone donated to the Robin Hood fund tonight. At least $50 is going towards replacing me with pants. Or jeggings at least.