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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    5. stu 2019.
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  2. prije 18 sati

    "What's with the cleaning?" the apprentice asked. "My in-laws are coming to visit," the wizard replied. "Aren't they dead?" "Undead actually. When they heard I was marrying their daughter they hired a necromancer to reanimate their corpses when they died."

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  3. prije 20 sati

    "I wish dad could walk me down the aisle," the bride said. "He'd be here if he could," her sister replied. A few moments later the guests started fleeing the chapel, to escape. "Your dad's here," her mom said. "Dad's dead." "You know how stubborn he is."

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  4. 3. velj

    Look what I found during today’s Dollar Tree book run. I try and go at least once a month. What book deals have you found lately?

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  5. 3. velj

    "And then I'll live happily ever after?" the girl asked her fairy godmother. "No dear," the fairy replied. "This isn't a story. If you marry the prince, you'll just be trading one cage for another. True happiness cannot be granted with the wave of a wand."

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  6. 3. velj

    "It's because of that evil RPG game. He's crazy. He can't tell from reality," his mom told the police. She's right, the boy thought. It was the game, but not because it was evil. He did it to be a hero. He did it to save his mom from his abusive ogre of a father.

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  7. 2. velj

    "You're mad," the knight said. "I gave up my when I took the oath to defend this wretched kingdom," his brother replied. "Are you with me or not?" "I said you were mad. I did not say you stand alone. It is time we set right our wrongs, starting with the king."

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  8. 2. velj

    “I can give you back your or your father,” the shadow said. “I can’t give you both.” “I want my daddy,” the girl whispered. The shadow took on the likeness of her father. “Who does she think she is talking to?” the doctor asked the nurse. “Her dead father.”

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  9. 1. velj

    “You will play the part of my bodyguard,” the wizard said to the death knight. “Just follow the and everything will go according to plan.” “Can I kill any of the heroes?” “No! This a tourist dungeon. The town hired us to draw In adventurers, not kill them.”

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  10. 1. velj

    "Can we start over?" the woman tied to the bed asked. "I don't get to carry my around like you do." she pointed at the bible. "I just want my first time to be perfect." The priest performing the exorcism stopped, wondering if this was some sort of trick.

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  11. 31. sij

    "What's happening to me?" the child asked, watching her hands fade away. "You're dying," the other girl said, wiping a tear from her red cheek. "But I don't want to die. I want to stay with you." "You can't. My father says I'm too old to have an imaginary friend."

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  12. 31. sij

    The reapers blocked their escape. “We are only here for half of you,” the tallest one said. “Which half?” someone cried out. “We shall let the game decide that,” the reaper replied. The reapers linked hands forming a chain. “Red rover, red rover send on over.”

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  13. 30. sij

    "Was that your wife?" the apprentice asked. "It was," the wizard replied. "Why was she screaming?" "She just met the new maid." "Maid?" "She kept asking for an set of hands around the house, so I got her a maid. Which brings me to our next lesson, Necromancy."

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  14. 29. sij

    “Did you see the axe that psycho was carrying? It looked so real when he cut off that guy’s head.” “You didn’t read the waiver you signed, did you?” the person closest to him said. “This is an extreme escape room. The only way you escape is with your life.”

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  15. 29. sij

    He looked down from the height, shivering. His mother had already pushed his siblings over the edge. Now it was his turn. "I don't want to go," he cried "I know, son, but this is the way it must be." "I'm scared." "Don't be. Just spread your wings and fly."

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  16. 28. sij

    I totally forgot to include the prompt word. Pretend it says “could I be the one...” instead of please. 😛

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  17. 28. sij

    "I have one final request," the wife said. "Please let me be the one to kill my husband. "What the hell?" the husband yelled. "Til death do we part. If I'm going to die, I want to be single when it happens." "I wasn't going to kill either of you," the intruder said.

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  18. 27. sij

    “Before we continue your training, you must pick another student to be your ,” the wizard said. “Why?” the apprentice asked. “All good wizards have an adversary.” “Do you have an adversary?” “I do. She’s in the kitchen fixing our dinner.”

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  19. 26. sij

    “Here’s your new robe,” the wizard said “Is that the only color they had?” the apprentice asked “It’s magical, like mine. You can alter it to a wide of colors.” “Really? Why is yours pink?” “What’s wrong with pink?” “Your wife changed its password didn’t she?”

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  20. 25. sij

    "Wow! That is ," the model said, looking at the statue the artist had carved. "It looks just like me. Is it done?" "Almost," the artist said. "There is just one thing missing. The final piece that will truly bring it to life." "What piece?" "Your soul."

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  21. 24. sij

    “Test time,” the wizard said to his apprentice. “I have hidden my wand somewhere in this room. You must use your wand to find it.” “Did you to lose your wand again?” “Nonsense! Why would you say that?” “Because all of your tests involve me finding your wand.”

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