Not quite sure how I got roped into this but I am currently in Oxford Street supervising (ie. walking behind and only speaking when spoken to) six 12-year-old girls on a day off school shopping for outfits for a school disco. Six of ‘em. Oh, and I hate shopping. #whatwentwrong
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Just been told off by the shop security guard for sitting on the stairs. He seems very cross. I think I might get arrested for loitering soon.
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I think even the 12 year olds are flagging by now. I’m going to start a campaign for shops to be legally required to have chairs. The fightback starts now.
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Four hours in and there have been purchases. Five girls have outfits. One left. FOUR HOURS, people.
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Well, this is going to come as a HUGE a surprise to everyone but we’re now back in the second store we went to. You know, the one with no sodding chairs. Not sure the security man is too pleased to see me.
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Right, we’ve made it to Top Shop and it feels like we’re on the final furlong. The last girl without an outfit is looking confident. And they have comfy seats near the changing rooms so... YAY!
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People, I have news. The last girl of the six 12 year olds has a new top for the school disco. Phew. There is talk of heading home soon. I fear it is only talk. I don’t want to get my hopes up.
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Okay, so now we’re getting drinks at a cafe in Top Shop. As they don’t offer pints of vodka, I’m holding off til I get home. I remember home. It was a nice place I once used to spend time in with sofas and TVs... and vodka.
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We. Are. Now. Back. In. The. First. Shop. We. Started. In. At. Half. Past. Sodding. Ten. This. Morning. Aaaaaarrrrrgggh.
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We’re going home! We’re going home!!!!!!!!!
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The shopping trip is officially over. Six girls. Six hours. And the only thing I bought for myself all day...?pic.twitter.com/AlzETG28yb
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They’ll traipse round another 10 shops before wanting to go back and buy it.
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What a bloody nightmare! What did you do? Which God did you offend?
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All of them
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men put up with this stuff all the time, the key thing is to always try and pretend to be interested. never say things like "yeah that one looks alright just buy it and let's go" or 'they all look good just pick one"
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Once gender self-identification becomes law girls won't want to use changing rooms. There is always a silver lining.
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At least you know where they all are lol
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